A wall closet in a residential house in the Un...

A wall closet in a residential house in the United States. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have horrible and lingering doubts about if I will ever have a significant relationship with a heterosexual man.  I know this is paranoid thinking, but is it? I don’t know or meet a lot of age appropriate men that I would want to date in my social or professional circles.  So like a lot of people in my situation I turned to online dating.  Match.com, OKCupid and eHarmony, and I hate to admit it but…..I seem to be a closet case magnet.  Something about me must attract men who are not quite sure or their sexual orientation, desperate to cover it up.  Is it my take no prisoners personality?  My blonde hair?  My obnoxious stage persona?  I have no idea. So far I have been extremely passive on the sites, I usually don’t go out looking for men, instead I wait for the men to come to me.  I get anywhere from 1-10 emails a day.  Out of the men that have emailed me or “winked” at me I have seen the following….. Photos of them dressed in the following

  • A feather boa
  • A tiara
  • A skirt or dress
  • Women’s wigs
  • Pink Leotard – It was a ballroom dancing photo and he looked quite happy wearing it.

Of course there is nothing wrong with a man who wears pink, or dons a tiara as a joke, and many cross dressers are actually straight men.  But when a profile looks and reads like a gay man’s profile – that’s a red flag. My favorite profile is another man’s description of himself (I edited it a touch to protect his identity)

I love watching old movie classics, listening to music and singing (especially Nat King Cole)good conversations about “great” literature (Les Miserables, Sister Carrie, Anna Karenina and modern history,dining out, wine tastings, going for long walks in Central Park, doing impersonations, watching plays (I have acted off-broadway), learning historical trivia & sharing it, learning languages, going shopping with a date and helping her select and buy a new dress (and all she needs to wear with it)!!
I wanted to grab this man by both shoulders, look him directly in his eyes and say – “You’re GAY!  You know you’re gay.  You’ve probably known since you were very young that you like other boys.  Maybe you think you can run from it, hide it or suffocate those feelings.  But I KNOW DEEP IN MY HEART, that you will be so much happier when you just accept who you are and celebrate it.  Stop trying to live a lie and start living!”
And then today there was this, the man only had two photos of himself and this was one of them.
Nothing gay about a unicorn pissing a  rainbow with a hot male human ass?  I think he thought it was funny, but it just sent a huge mixed message.
Online dating seems to attract men who have had problems dating in real life.  I would be the amount of closeted homosexuals on dating websites is actually higher than the general population.  Out of frustration and a deep desire to live as someone they’re not, they turn to the internet to order up a girlfriend or a bride.  Despite their attempts to mask their true sexual orientation, it’s usually quite apparent.  Of course there is a spectrum, and they could be bisexual or just very feminine men, but in most cases I would suspect these guys are just kidding themselves.
I got stuck on an actual date with a man who had claimed he was 43 on his profile only to admit he was 51 on our date.  He had every stereotypical mannerism of a gay man, but he really convinced me of his inner self loathing when he made a homophobic remark.  One of the ways I pay my rent is by working as a face and body painter. He wanted to see some photos of my work on my phone.   When he got to one of a gay man he said, “That’s gross.  I don’t like that design.  He looks ridiculous”  I had shown that same photo to countless people and never had that reaction.  It was completely clear to me he really hated himself, and was just projecting his own self-loathing onto another human being.  Online dating isn’t going to fix anyone’s sexual orientation.   I wish these men would learn to love themselves as they are, and embrace their homosexuality.  Until then I’ll avoid the boa wearers, the men who claim their love for Madonna, and the self-loathing homophobes.
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One comment on “Dating Online: I am a Closet Case Magnet!

  1. Kiri

    Wow. Laughing (in a terrified sort of way). I talked about in my book how all of the men I dated after my ex seemed more gay than he was. Although I do have a theory (having to do with pheromones, DNA, and the subconscious and whatever the hell else) that we all attract the same types over and over again… I also think that I just simply would not have noticed any “gayness” in any of these men pre gay fiance. Now I notice it in everyone. Kind of like how when you break up and suddenly hear your song everywhere….

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