So this one is as old as online dating itself, the man with no photos on his profile. I have a firm warning on my profile that I basically don’t take a profile without photos seriously. Nor should any woman. The reason? Well there are many but the main reason is that most men that are on online dating websites that won’t show their face are either married or involved with someone and looking to cheat. Why wouldn’t they show their face? It makes little sense. So many people are on online dating sites now, that if a married man blatantly had a profile seeking another woman, chances are that friends or co-workers of his wife or girlfriend might stumble upon his profile. Openly putting yourself out there on a dating website when married is a very dangerous thing to do. But take the photos off, change a few details about your occupation, change your age, where you live and bingo, you have no created a new identity. Maybe a woman who is naive enough to think that some unseen man has nothing to hide will fall for the ruse. Most men use their occupation as the reason why they can’t show their face. All of these are specific examples that I have gotten sometimes multiple times…
- My job is very high-profile, it would be embarrassing for me to be on here -
- It could potentially hurt my firm’s reputation if I am seen on a dating website – REALLY? If they only knew how MANY people are on websites like Match.com at this point, there is hardly any shame in it anymore. Or that somehow a business deal will go south because a potential client saw you on a dating website and decided you were unstable or something? Well then what are they doing on the site in the first place?
- I am a psychologist and it could make my relationship with my patients strained. – Do you think your patients are secretly in love with you or something? What kind of piece of work writes that?
I have been on dates with people who I met online who have VERY high-profile jobs in their fields. I won’t comment further, to protect others privacy but the high-profile job excuse is poppycock.
One man tried to send me photos privately. And I still have no idea what that was supposed to prove? OK so I see what he looks like, but again he isn’t willing to expose himself on the site itself, so NO DICE! I sent him a polite, sorry this doesn’t cut it email and he went off on me in an angry tirade full of venom and vitriol. I know I can come across as too blunt in written form, but I think I dodged a major bullet with that psycho! Not only was he probably married, but he had some anger issues!
I am sure that there are women doing the exact same thing on dating websites. Although since men tend to be more visually orientated than women, I wonder how effective the no photo approach would work. They probably pull the same tactic, of I will send you photos privately. It is hard to believe that people would fall for that, but loneliness can really pull a person down into despair, after a while any glimmer of hope starts to look promising.
One no-photo man recently contacted me and because I was in a slightly angrier than usual mood, I sent him a blunt reply basically saying that no woman would take him seriously without photos. He posted photos within the hour of opening my email! He wasn’t my type, so I didn’t feel like I missed the boat on that one after scolding him for not showing his mug.
And when in doubt, even if you meet someone online with photos and you buy their story about being single or divorced IMMEDIATELY google their full name when you get home, and if they claim they are divorced google their name and the word wife. You would be surprised how much information is readily available on the internet at no cost whatsoever. In one case, I googled a man’s name found his ex-wife’s profile on Facebook and found her listed as single. That made me feel a million times better, but if it had said married, he would have never heard from me again. You really can never be too careful, the nature of online dating makes it far too easy for men and women who want to cheat.
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I know what you mean & I would never date someone who didn’t post a photo either. It’s really silly of them, it’s just common sense that people want to see what you look like. A guy wouldn’t want to date a woman without seeing what she looked like. Ok, maybe if it’s a blind date set up by a friend….but in today’s digital age there really is no reason for people not to provide pictures.
I came upon this blog post after just having written the “no photo, no meeting” email. Thanks for confirming I’m not the crazy one here.
Thanks for this advice. That’s great and confirms my feelings that men with no photos are hiding something. It just seems like quite a lot of the men are like that or with a private back stage.
It’s just my gut feeling, but from the stories I have heard it usually the case. I mean I have dated two men that had extremely high profile jobs and both of them showed their face on dating websites. Anyone who doesn’t is suspect. And never trust them if they agree to send you photos privately, that is not exactly making it public. I know people who through friends found their spouses online looking to cheat. I don’t know how they thought they would get away with it. It’s sad really.
I just wanted to say that this is a rule that I firmly support. Men without photos are hiding something–whether it’s a wife, girlfriend, their ugly face, or even if they are just shy–in any of these cases we wouldn’t be compatible anyway. I don’t even bother to respond to messages from pictureless men. As females, we by and large are very social (talkers), and if we talk long enough with anyone, we will have some kind of chemistry with them. Men reel us in by talking or in this case, typing. This is why I totally ignore messages from men with no picture on their profile. Someone above mentioned dodging a bullet,this is exactly what on-line daters do when they ignore someone without a picture on their profile, whether that person be male or female.
Grow up. Although it’s common place to post pictures of yourself online, to do so on a dating site is pure stupidity. From stalkers, to websites collecting photos, you have no idea where your photos are going to end up. By the way, any photos you post on many dating sites become the property of that website regardless of whether or not you have deleted the photos.
I’m just amazed by the ignorance displayed by the general populace when it comes to online saftety. Runs along the same lines of Facebook and their numerous breaches of security.
You are contradicting yourself, you realize that right? So if a man has no photos on his dating website he is MORE trust worthy? By your reasoning, a woman should go ahead and agree to meet someone who won’t show his face to the world because he is more concerned about his own safety or privacy? Think about that. Online dating is fraught with problems – privacy issues, stalkers, people misrepresenting themselves – these are all a given. But any man or woman who won’t even show their face on a dating website is far more likely to be hiding something than someone who is there for all the world to see. So I just don’t flat out understand your argument.
If safety is indeed such a high concern, than a person shouldn’t even bother with online dating. But if you are advocating that some man who won’t reveal his identity is somehow protecting himself, and is more trust worthy it is hard not to laugh. The age of privacy as we knew it is over, and online dating is just a part of that new reality. No one is forcing anyone to engage in it, so if you don’t like the invasion of privacy, don’t have a profile. I don’t think websites should even allow people to post profiles with no photo…no exceptions. It is just inviting bad behavior, such as married men or men who are in relationships. The only good thing about eHarmony is they force you to prove you are single, and I hate that site, but it is really their only redeeming quality.
@Juliet…..I’ve tried eHarmony and never was forced or even asked to prove I’m single.
Well I don’t know you but when I put in Divorced on my profile they made me prove it. I may have selected “separated” I don’t remember but I definitely had to give them my judge’s name, city and state of my divorce and the date my divorce was final. If you just select the “single” option I have no idea what they do as that was not my situation. Overall it was the worst site I have tried, had one of the biggest psychos on there send me a crazy email and I didn’t go on a single date plus they continue to send me emails, and they troll this blog frequently. I look at it this way as a consumer I am well within my rights complaining about a horrible service. And I found their service to be quite horrible. The more they harass me on this blog the more I hate them and will continue to trash their company. Their wacko behavior is like fuel for me. I can’t be the only person who hated their experience with them, in fact I have heard from many more who feel The same way. My friend just married a man they “rejected”. My advice would be to never pay for a dating service the free sites are better anyway, the premium ones have a lot of profiles that are actually defunct and I got far less mail on then then I have on free sites. The “matching” systems they all have and use are a farce.
Gerry is right. People are foolish if they believe that your online dating profile is not being viewed by people with bad intentions. If you are so concerned about their relationship status why not ask for a facebook profile up front or something else to prove their identity? The truth is people just are concerned with what others look like first, and do not have the time to listen to someone that does not conform to giving up privacy.
People with bad intentions viewing my profile is a given. That being said, physical attraction is definitely important! I don’t feel guilty in the least for admitting that. However, when someone doesn’t have a picture up, that speaks volumes. And in this day and age when it’s been estimated that something like 25% of men and women on dating sites are married pretending to be single, people should use tactics (like avoiding folks with no picture) to weed out the bad apples.
Secondly, what’s fair is fair–I’m no longer on dating sites, but when I was, I had numerous pictureless men message me just because of my pictures, and then tell me that they don’t have a picture up because they want the female to know their heart first lol. They then went on to say that I could either got to facebook to see their pics or they would send me a pic once they felt comfortable with me after messaging back and forth. These kind of people tend to be emotional predators/attention whores. Either way, their intentions are less than wholesome. I felt extremely aggravated even to receive a message from a pictureless guy, especially since I stated very clearly that I had NO interest in hearing from men with no picture on their profile and since I had no less than five pictures of me on my profile.
And it’s not that folks don’t have time to “listen to someone that does not conform to giving up privacy”. We just don’t want to hear them. It’s similar to signing a lease on a loft without actually seeing it or even seeing what neighborhood it’s in.
On the sites where subscriptions aren’t free, we should be able to block folks without pictures.
I would agree with you 100%. It is so shady…and women rarely if ever do it. Definitely seems like a predatory thing to do, and manipulative.
i’m one of those women without a picture. don’t want to, won’t, it scares me, etc. I have met a few men, in a safe public place for a “look, see” and did have some dates. There is a huge question in my mind about people who insist on an online picture before proceeding with any other activity…so am reading blogs like this. thanks for the info all of you!
Well,I`m a lady of no lots of words but actions.I would prefer to use a website that does not demand photos,I once met a man who had sent many photo plus his profile and I was very disappointed when we met.He was looking different.