So this one is as old as online dating itself, the man with no photos on his profile.  I have a firm warning on my profile that I basically don’t take a profile without photos seriously.  Nor should any woman.  The reason?  Well there are many but the main reason is that most men that are on online dating websites that won’t show their face are either married or involved with someone and looking to cheat.   Why wouldn’t they show their face?  It makes little sense.  So many people are on online dating sites now, that if a married man blatantly had a profile seeking another woman, chances are that friends or co-workers  of his wife or girlfriend might stumble upon his profile.  Openly putting yourself out there on a dating website when married is a very dangerous thing to do.  But take the photos off, change a few details about your occupation, change your age,  where you live and bingo, you have no created a new identity.  Maybe a woman who is naive enough to think that some unseen man has nothing to hide will fall for the ruse.   Most men use their occupation as the reason why they can’t show their face.  All of these are specific examples that I have gotten sometimes multiple times…

  • My job is very high-profile, it would be embarrassing for me to be on here –
  • It could potentially hurt my firm’s reputation if I am seen on a dating website – REALLY?  If they only knew how MANY people are on websites like at this point, there is hardly any shame in it anymore.  Or that somehow a business deal will go south because a potential client saw you on a dating website and decided you were unstable or something?  Well then what are they doing on the site in the first place?
  • I am a psychologist and it could make my relationship with my patients strained. – Do you think your patients are secretly in love with you or something?  What kind of piece of work writes that?

I have been on dates with people who I met online who have VERY high-profile jobs in their fields.  I won’t comment further, to protect others privacy  but the high-profile job excuse is poppycock.

One man tried to send me photos privately.   And I still have no idea what that was supposed to prove?  OK so I see what he looks like, but again he isn’t willing to expose himself on the site itself, so NO DICE!  I sent him a polite, sorry this doesn’t cut it email and he went off on me in an angry tirade full of venom and vitriol.  I know I can come across as too blunt in written form, but I think I dodged a major bullet with that psycho!  Not only was he probably married, but he had some anger issues!

I am sure that there are women doing the exact same thing on dating websites.  Although since men tend to be more visually orientated than women, I wonder how effective the no photo approach would work.  They probably pull the same tactic, of I will send you photos privately.  It is hard to believe that people would fall for that, but loneliness can really pull a person down into despair, after a while any glimmer of hope starts to look promising.

One no-photo man recently contacted me and because I was in a slightly angrier than usual mood, I sent him a blunt reply basically saying that no woman would take him seriously without photos.  He posted photos within the hour of opening my email!  He wasn’t my type, so I didn’t feel like I missed the boat on that one after scolding him for not showing his mug.

And when in doubt, even if you meet someone online with photos and you buy their story about being single or divorced IMMEDIATELY google their full name when you get home, and if they claim they are divorced google their name and the word wife.  You would be surprised how much information is readily available on the internet at no cost whatsoever.  In one case, I googled a man’s name found his ex-wife’s profile on Facebook and found her listed as single.  That made me feel a million times better, but if it had said married, he would have never heard from me again.  You really can never be too careful, the nature of online dating makes it far too easy for men and women who want to cheat.

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48 comments on “Dating Online – The man with no photos

  1. Ellen

    I know what you mean & I would never date someone who didn’t post a photo either. It’s really silly of them, it’s just common sense that people want to see what you look like. A guy wouldn’t want to date a woman without seeing what she looked like. Ok, maybe if it’s a blind date set up by a friend….but in today’s digital age there really is no reason for people not to provide pictures.

  2. Kris

    I came upon this blog post after just having written the “no photo, no meeting” email. Thanks for confirming I’m not the crazy one here. 🙂

    1. Cici

      I totally agree with you. I have recently received two emails from the same person who doesn’t show his face on the website so I asked why he couldn’t show his face, his answer was one of the above lol in fact, I have no intention to meet him but it’s good to insult him if I can haha I asked if he was ashamed to be single and on the website, he said, “yes so ashamed!” then he went off. Speaking of high profile people, I met few barristers and surgeons among some successful business principals, they put their faces on profiles and genuinely looked for love! Do not answer any profiles with no photo as they could be criminals or con men and more likely married men or men are attached. We ladies do need to protect ourselves at all times 🙂

  3. Janine

    Thanks for this advice. That’s great and confirms my feelings that men with no photos are hiding something. It just seems like quite a lot of the men are like that or with a private back stage.

    1. julietjeske

      It’s just my gut feeling, but from the stories I have heard it usually the case. I mean I have dated two men that had extremely high profile jobs and both of them showed their face on dating websites. Anyone who doesn’t is suspect. And never trust them if they agree to send you photos privately, that is not exactly making it public. I know people who through friends found their spouses online looking to cheat. I don’t know how they thought they would get away with it. It’s sad really.

  4. Sasha

    I just wanted to say that this is a rule that I firmly support. Men without photos are hiding something–whether it’s a wife, girlfriend, their ugly face, or even if they are just shy–in any of these cases we wouldn’t be compatible anyway. I don’t even bother to respond to messages from pictureless men. As females, we by and large are very social (talkers), and if we talk long enough with anyone, we will have some kind of chemistry with them. Men reel us in by talking or in this case, typing. This is why I totally ignore messages from men with no picture on their profile. Someone above mentioned dodging a bullet,this is exactly what on-line daters do when they ignore someone without a picture on their profile, whether that person be male or female.

  5. Gerry

    Grow up. Although it’s common place to post pictures of yourself online, to do so on a dating site is pure stupidity. From stalkers, to websites collecting photos, you have no idea where your photos are going to end up. By the way, any photos you post on many dating sites become the property of that website regardless of whether or not you have deleted the photos.

    I’m just amazed by the ignorance displayed by the general populace when it comes to online saftety. Runs along the same lines of Facebook and their numerous breaches of security.

    1. julietjeske

      You are contradicting yourself, you realize that right? So if a man has no photos on his dating website he is MORE trust worthy? By your reasoning, a woman should go ahead and agree to meet someone who won’t show his face to the world because he is more concerned about his own safety or privacy? Think about that. Online dating is fraught with problems – privacy issues, stalkers, people misrepresenting themselves – these are all a given. But any man or woman who won’t even show their face on a dating website is far more likely to be hiding something than someone who is there for all the world to see. So I just don’t flat out understand your argument.

      If safety is indeed such a high concern, than a person shouldn’t even bother with online dating. But if you are advocating that some man who won’t reveal his identity is somehow protecting himself, and is more trust worthy it is hard not to laugh. The age of privacy as we knew it is over, and online dating is just a part of that new reality. No one is forcing anyone to engage in it, so if you don’t like the invasion of privacy, don’t have a profile. I don’t think websites should even allow people to post profiles with no photo…no exceptions. It is just inviting bad behavior, such as married men or men who are in relationships. The only good thing about eHarmony is they force you to prove you are single, and I hate that site, but it is really their only redeeming quality.

    2. Caliby

      I agree, whats the big deal? Maybe someone just wants to see what’s out there first before they go blasting their face on line.

    3. Jessica

      So glad someone out there has some sense left.

  6. Lisa

    @Juliet…..I’ve tried eHarmony and never was forced or even asked to prove I’m single.

    1. julietjeske

      Well I don’t know you but when I put in Divorced on my profile they made me prove it. I may have selected “separated” I don’t remember but I definitely had to give them my judge’s name, city and state of my divorce and the date my divorce was final. If you just select the “single” option I have no idea what they do as that was not my situation. Overall it was the worst site I have tried, had one of the biggest psychos on there send me a crazy email and I didn’t go on a single date plus they continue to send me emails, and they troll this blog frequently. I look at it this way as a consumer I am well within my rights complaining about a horrible service. And I found their service to be quite horrible. The more they harass me on this blog the more I hate them and will continue to trash their company. Their wacko behavior is like fuel for me. I can’t be the only person who hated their experience with them, in fact I have heard from many more who feel The same way. My friend just married a man they “rejected”. My advice would be to never pay for a dating service the free sites are better anyway, the premium ones have a lot of profiles that are actually defunct and I got far less mail on then then I have on free sites. The “matching” systems they all have and use are a farce.

  7. John

    Gerry is right. People are foolish if they believe that your online dating profile is not being viewed by people with bad intentions. If you are so concerned about their relationship status why not ask for a facebook profile up front or something else to prove their identity? The truth is people just are concerned with what others look like first, and do not have the time to listen to someone that does not conform to giving up privacy.

    1. Megan

      People with bad intentions viewing my profile is a given. That being said, physical attraction is definitely important! I don’t feel guilty in the least for admitting that. However, when someone doesn’t have a picture up, that speaks volumes. And in this day and age when it’s been estimated that something like 25% of men and women on dating sites are married pretending to be single, people should use tactics (like avoiding folks with no picture) to weed out the bad apples.

      Secondly, what’s fair is fair–I’m no longer on dating sites, but when I was, I had numerous pictureless men message me just because of my pictures, and then tell me that they don’t have a picture up because they want the female to know their heart first lol. They then went on to say that I could either got to facebook to see their pics or they would send me a pic once they felt comfortable with me after messaging back and forth. These kind of people tend to be emotional predators/attention whores. Either way, their intentions are less than wholesome. I felt extremely aggravated even to receive a message from a pictureless guy, especially since I stated very clearly that I had NO interest in hearing from men with no picture on their profile and since I had no less than five pictures of me on my profile.

      And it’s not that folks don’t have time to “listen to someone that does not conform to giving up privacy”. We just don’t want to hear them. It’s similar to signing a lease on a loft without actually seeing it or even seeing what neighborhood it’s in.

      On the sites where subscriptions aren’t free, we should be able to block folks without pictures.

      1. julietjeske

        I would agree with you 100%. It is so shady…and women rarely if ever do it. Definitely seems like a predatory thing to do, and manipulative.

      2. Noah Dove

        What you mean is you have a perfect picture in your head, what your man, should look like, Good luck on that, do you know how MANY women have the same picture,? Ahem…Thats why were still single, we dont really get to know each other anymore. youre looking for sexually attractive features, point blank. Which means,, (drumroll) youre looking for sex.. There it is.

        1. julietjeske

          Anyone who doesn’t show their face on a online dating website is not to be trusted. It’s that simple. If a woman is willing to put herself out there and show her real photos, than any man should do the same. Most of the time when a man or woman doesn’t use photos they have something to hide. It’s that simple. It’s not even about attractiveness…it’s about honesty. And most humans aren’t attracted to just anyone, that goes for men or women.

    2. Lana

      I can’t agree with you as a profile is a profile, without a photo, which is not a completed profile and if you are so concerned with privacy you shouldn’t participate online dating at the first place! Also, you are a man you should know better about visual factor!

    3. Jessica

      Yup. People did fine without photos and extensive background info for a long time. Now, we give stalkers, thousands of strangers we’ll never even see, all the info.

  8. fisherwoman

    i’m one of those women without a picture. don’t want to, won’t, it scares me, etc. I have met a few men, in a safe public place for a “look, see” and did have some dates. There is a huge question in my mind about people who insist on an online picture before proceeding with any other activity…so am reading blogs like this. thanks for the info all of you!

    1. Lana

      Think about personal safety. If you go out with a guy and something horrible happens at least police can track him down easily with photos lol

    2. Jessica

      Public place at all times is all you need. Tell a friend where, when, and who and plan an update afterwards for safety. Don’t leave your drink unattended is another safe measure.

  9. Dayonga

    Well,I`m a lady of no lots of words but actions.I would prefer to use a website that does not demand photos,I once met a man who had sent many photo plus his profile and I was very disappointed when we met.He was looking different.

    1. Noah Dove

      Maybe because were tired of having people only focus of what we look like, and if theyre all hung up on what we look like, theyre not the person for you, they only want sex. And are uninterested in whats IMPORTANT to us! Personality and Belief. The sex industry has corrupted what is left of our “innocence”, we all know what we like in sex, and thats become a MAJOR factor in relationships, and thats NOT whats it s all about!

      Thats why they FAIL!, sure the sex is great! Too bad hes married, has 5 kids from 3 different women, a mortgage and beats his wife. Ohh but the sex is good! And he has a nice house! Omg..(How long do you think it is until he turns that hand on YOU)! And then does what,? RINSE REPEAT. finds another female…
      Not “hey shes got a great…Or hes got a nice..” Thats BS!

  10. Gg

    Wow, I see and experiencing the same. Male 38 in Los Angeles.

  11. Greg J down south

    Come on…

    Believe it or not, not everyone wants to put their photos online for the world to see.
    What is this, a Facebook mentality?

    I don’t want coworkers, employer, family members etc. knowing I’m using a dating site. Yes – people can find out, even if they aren’t a member of a dating site.
    You might think – what’s the problem with that? It’s private – what I do with my time, is my business. I’m not going to be gossip material, thank-you very much.

    It doesn’t always have to do with someone being unattractive. Privacy is a very valid reason. Let’s face it – there’s also plenty of creepers out there (both men and women).
    Just because you don’t care who sees you online, doesn’t mean everybody else shares the same thought.

    When you start a conversation – that’s when photo exchanging can begin, there’s nothing wrong with that. Yes – it seems suspect at first, but don’t be dissuaded by profiles that have hidden photos.

    1. julietjeske Post author

      Well then just assume people will think your lying. Watch the movie Catfish or the TV series by the same name. Even people with photos create entirely false identities online. No one should assume you are telling the truth just as you shouldn’t assume the same of any potential partners you might meet online. It’s a game and you hamper yourself greatly if you don’t show your face.

    2. Persephone

      are you serious?

      If you’re THAT worried about privacy, don’t do the online dating thing…. meet people in person. Even matchmaking agencies take your photo and use it to match you so I do not understand your thought process. Email, smart phones and other apps that you may use to share these “private” photos, are not actually private which again defeats your argument. Please try again 🙂 and if you wanna date, don’t use online dating apps if you’re worried about privacy lol

  12. Jon Dom

    Online dating is nearly a complete waste of time. It is not a good thing for anyone. You could be online for 25 years and never get a real date despite sending sincere messages AND PICS to 5 or 10 women a week.

    Yet tons of people will try it because they don’t have the money or the time to do anything else, and I was one of these when I was in my 20s and 30s, I worked for so little pay in return and put in so many hours, that I rarely even SAW or SPOKE to a woman other than female coworkers that I had little interest in actually dating because it can get you immediately FIRED and does.)

    Due to having to work TOO MUCH JUST TO PAY THE BILLS, I didn’t go to bars, clubs, gyms (definitely no time to work out), church (no time for it), hobbies and interests (no time for it)–basically ANY place that I could meet a woman I did not go to because I had no time and no money to go to the places where women are and because I was physically too tired to do anything and had to go shop for food etc. on my FEW off days. I had quite a DESIRE to be around women and meet them, but I simply couldn’t do it because RICH A-HOLES were running me into the ground.

    It’s only in my 40s now that I have any money and time to really do what I WANTED to do when I was 20 or 30, and it’s still not easy to do it. I’ve had moronic employers waste most of the time in my life, I’m certainly NOT going to waste time on my own on online dating.

  13. JM

    I’ve gone the online dating route for a while, mainly because my job situation doesn’t allow me to really meet many guys. It does annoy me when they don’t have any photos posted. I recently had two different guys contact me. One told me he didn’t have any photos on his profile because he was worried about stalkers. Okay, fair enough. We exchanged email addresses and I asked if he could send me a photo via email. He hemmed and hawed, kept wanting to communicate with me but clammed up whenever I asked if he could send a photo. The other guy told me in the first message that he didn’t have photos because he thinks it’s inside that counts. I agree and I’m not a shallow person, but I still like to have an idea of what the person with whom I’m communicating looks like – especially if it gets to the point where we decide to meet in person. You can never be too careful in this day and age… plus, how would I know whom to look for? Okay, I have your name but should I be looking for a tall or short guy? Tanned or fair-skinned? Long/short hair? I mean, what?? I can understand some guys not wanting to share until they grow comfortable talking to you, but what if they just NEVER want to give you a photo and leave you guessing what they look like if you meet them in person? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

  14. Samantha

    That makes me worry a little bit. After fussing at a semi-boyfriend for still having a dating profile up his response was to take his pictures down. Even though he didn’t disable his profile I thought I could feel at ease since he did that, but I still felt stung yesterday when I saw that he logged in yesterday at 11:17 am. I guess the lesson to be learned is stick to your guns when asking your boyfriend to take down his profile. Something’s up if he wants to be stubborn about not taking his profile down

    1. julietjeske Post author

      Yeah, that’s about 10 red flags all at once. If he’s still got a profile up, then he’s still looking or at least likes the attention of women emailing him.

  15. julietjeske Post author

    I never said women don’t also do the same thing. There are plenty of scams women pull with online dating or that scam artists pull who claim they are women. I haven’t had the personal experience myself because I’m not a man. If I was a man I’d write about my experiences with women on online dating sites. I’d advise either gender to avoid anyone who doesn’t have photos on their profile. It’s dishonest and shady to not use photos, and that goes for either gender

  16. julietjeske Post author

    I delete comments with personal attacks so the sad cow line qualifies.

  17. Debbie Sanders

    I am seeing a guy long distance who I met online, saying at the start he was in the middle of a divorce. We communicated via text for many months, after which time he visited a couple of times. After a while I noticed a profile similar to his on the site, with some minor changes in hair color, weight and age, with no photo. The profile said his relationship status was “living together”. I thought “no this can’t be him”! So I create a fake profile and go ahead and message him.

    Chatted back and forth for a week and sure enough it was him, he gave me his name and phone number to start texting.

    I even asked him directly after this how his divorce was coming along and he said it was done. WTF? Did a FB search on his wife and she has changed surname back to maiden name and “likes” a book called “Divorce for Women over 50”. He is obviously divorced. I did not let on that I knew he had this other profile going.

    What do other people think of this? Why would he say in his profile he is living together, while in the one he used to start talking with me said he was divorced?

    I am at a total loss about what to do about this guy now. I have no way of finding out if he does live with someone as I live far away from him.


    1. julietjeske Post author

      He’s a con artist. Who knows why he’s pulling this scheme but if you’ve found this much evidence I’d run away from him as quickly as possible. He might have several women going at the same time, it might be why his wife divorced him in the first place. Literally everything he’s told you so far could be a lie. I was married to a man who lied to me from day one and basically had a secret life and history I knew nothing about. Just to prove 100% that he’s a total scam, I’d get a friend to start a profile and start messaging him. You could literally have three or four women messaging him at the same time just to see what he would tell each of you. My friends in New York City often had the same men sending us emails when we were trying online dating. It would happen on accident but it was funny to see all of the discrepancies as we’d all make fun of the really phony guys. But you should RUN, RUN, RUN, quickly away from Mr. Two profiles, it won’t get better it will only get worse. If he’s lying now, he’ll lie about everything. Most women and men have fallen for people like this, don’t beat yourself up just count your loses and bolt! That would be my 2 cents! Good luck!

  18. MrSmith

    I did try several times on several dating apps using no picture, although i’m not married or engaged or a psycho or a murderer or any kind of criminal or monstrous looking, maybe a little odd… My reason being, it’s just weird to have my face up for hundreds of strangers to see, that and i don’t want anybody who knows me to see me on there, not for any shady reasons, it’s just kind of embarrassing to me. I did realize there was really no point in doing that in the end and gave up, still.. Even though i have to agree to a point, is not really an universal rule, dating online used to be a thing for introverts and now it really isn’t anymore with all this specialized services. I met my late wife online years ago (no i didn’t kill her) the old way by talking first, show face later… with how things are nowadays i’m gonna have to start going to bars and clubs cause honestly compared that gives me better privacy. I’d say about 80% freaks 20% introverts, maybe worse so in the end yeah better off not talking to us blanks 😛

    1. julietjeske Post author

      If you aren’t going to put yourself out there, you should expect others to do so in return.

  19. Al

    I resently meet a nice woman online
    With no picture about a month into texting.. I asked for her picture and she went off on me so I stop talking to her. Four months went by and I received an email from her and she wanted to talk. We spend a whole year talking she was everything I had been looking for and she told me she had feelings for me. I liked her but she would not show her face or let me hear her voice it was all done through texts I never told her I had any feelings for her but when she tried to get me to say it I told her that it would be foolish of me to have feelings for someone that refused to show me her face or let me hear her voice she caused me of not trusting her and we had a discussion that lasted 24 hrs I tried to explain to her what trust was about and she needed to be open with me I had no idea what she did or where she really lived and she knew everything about me because I was wide open for her so after 24 hrs of very long texting I told her that she was not who she said she was and unless she was open I would consider her a liar I had no time for the game so I deleted her blocked her everywhere.
    I talked to her for one year and then some she was everything I was looking for but it was a lie. I lied to myself hoping she would open up and show me her face.. I’m not shallow looks don’t mean much to me but I want to know she was real.
    Just a learning experience be careful with people that are super misterious like that. They may be telling the truth but it makes no sense to wait to show yourself eventually you are going to have to meet right. No picture no chance that goes for all people.

    1. julietjeske Post author

      Based on the length of your reply I suggest starting your own blog. When you refer to “she” that is me. There is no moderator for this blog other than the author of the blog.

  20. Paul

    I do not post photos of myself anywhere online for any reason. I have several online profiles (Facebook, Twitter, etc.,) but none contain even one picture of me. Given what you’ve said above, is online dating just not possible for me?

    1. julietjeske Post author

      It’s a bit unreasonable to expect women to show much interest if you won’t show your face. You’ll probably just get a lot of scam artists.

      1. Paul

        Thanks for responding. Message received – I’m not a candidate for online dating.

  21. Caliby

    I don’t post a photo because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to try online dating. You were required to create a profile (with or without pics) to browse what’s out there. So I made a profile, looked around and then logged out. A month later I logged back in and had a bunch of messages from dudes waaay younger than me pics of them not wearing a shirt. No thanks lol.

  22. MissEastA

    I’ve had a man contact me who has no pic. Told him that if he could put a pic on that perhaps we might chat then but no pic yet & his reason for not having a pic.. Says his ex is on the same dating site & that he is worried that she & her friends will cause trouble for him. Seems funny that it is ok for her to be on the same site but that she would have a problem with him being on the site too & give him abuse, she has obviously moved on so why would she want to cause him problems if he wants to meet someone new too?

    No dice if you ask me, not had this happen before & won’t bother if he can’t put some pics on the site. What would others do?

  23. Allen

    Hello Juliet – I’m a 31 year old guy and have never seen a photo of myself i didn’t feel sick looking at. As such I actually don’t have any photos of myself (except formal IDs) because I discard all things that are of no value to me. I’ve read countless articles and even had professional photographers take sets of shots of me to try to find some image of myself I can stomach. All of them have been categorically awful and I have discarded them all. I have no – and will never post – any photos of myself anywhere online (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). There is no way I could ever be comfortable with how I look – irrespective of the angle, lighting, background or what I’m wearing. Unfortunately, I am fundamentally unattractive and the best thing for people like me is to avoid all cameras. I completely understand why the vast majority of women won’t interact with a guy who has no photos online, which is why I don’t think it would be worth creating a profile. Do you have any thoughts?

    1. julietjeske Post author

      You absolutely need photos if you’re going to get anywhere with online dating. You’ll just look shady and untrustworthy without them. What I would suggest is sitting down with trusted female friends or relatives and have them help you pick out what photos will show you in the best light. I would give this advice to any man. I see the same mistakes made over and over again on these sites and it’s quite sad. I wouldn’t ask your mother, as moms tend to see us differently than anyone else. However a sister, friend even a friend’s girlfriend will be able to help you out. You’d be surprised how much they would be happy to do it. They could even look over your whole profile and help you tweak it.

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