Trash Cans

Trash Cans (Photo credit: roeyahram)

So because I have so many of you tell me that you like it when I post these things, here I go again.  Online dating, or in my case non-dating is really starting to suck my soul dry.  Everyone I encounter just depresses me further, either by being incredibly creepy, pathetic or lately….wimpy.  And I am not counting anyone I have actually gone out with, these are guys I don’t even bother making the effort.  I keep getting men that ask me out, only to cancel right before the date.  And mind you in every case so far I have had little or nothing to say to them online, so it’s not like after I sent them a crazy rambling email they decided against following through.  No instead it is simply

“When are you free?”

Then I give them my availability, then they act like we are going to met up and then at the last-minute I get another email.

“I can’t, something has come up, but maybe next week”

To which I don’t respond, and then I never hear from them again.  One guy did this to me, and then months later tried to chat me up again.  He never mentioned that the first time he just sort of drifted away and never followed through with his invitation for a date.  I just can’t get excited about this process, I am very busy so to set aside time for someone I don’t know and then have them cancel like that….come on.

But this one really floored me.  I respect his honesty but the whole thing made my skin crawl.  He came up on my daily matches…there wasn’t even a good photo of him, but if I wait until LATE SUMMER, WOW!!!

I am currently in a relationship with an expiration date. My girl’s work visa expires at the end of June and she has to leave the US. I’m not planning on going with her, and she’s not planning on coming back, but for the next few weeks we’re spending every available minute together. I still sign in to okCupid out of habit more than anything else, but I won’t be looking to meet anybody new until later in the summer.

You can hide a profile and restart it up at any time.  So if you are spending every available minute with this lady friend of yours, then hide your profile.   Why rub it in the faces of those of us who are lonely and dateless that you are having this great, albeit short-lived romance while we are just sitting at home.  But maybe when you are available???…I don’t know the whole thing seemed rather sleazy.  I have friends who are poly amorous and have multiple partners, but they are so upfront about these things, and they don’t mention their other lovers in their profiles especially lines like “we spend every waking hour together”.  Just hide your profile then.  Something about the middle ground of this guy, just makes me think that if I dated him…he would still keep that profile up.  He also just changed his relationship status in a matter of hours from “seeing someone” to “available”…I don’t even want to know.  

This next guy emailed me and I could feel the slime coming off the computer screen. Sure I would love to be this blunt about what I DON’T want on my profile but it tends to be off-putting.   I am editing this one down for length and just showing you my favorite quotes…he is in his fifties too, imagine that!  Most of his profile is just him really going on and on about how he is amazing human being…one of his quotes being something like

“I am just as comfortable at a homeless shelter than at a formal event” 

Something makes me think that is a little bullshit.  He also mentioned how he has book deals, and television deals in the works and how he has sky-dived, snow-skied, it just goes on an on and on.  It was one of the most self-aggrandizing profiles I had ever read.  I think he even referred to himself as visionary and humanitarian.   I would reprint it, but its long, and I think it would be somewhat cruel of me to do sobut here are the angry rants, and the capitalization is exactly as he wrote it.

Before you read my profile I want you to think about this: That a lot of the “questions” on this site have no purpose. They are just here to amuse the staff. The amusement comes from asking the questions and the fact that people are taking the questions seriously and answering them at all. MUST HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS AND LIVE IN NYC.  Looking for someone intelligent, kind, and attractive. I tend to be attracted to women who are SLENDER or ATHLETIC in build. I don’t mind dating women who are taller than I am as long as they don’t mind.  If the circumstances were right I’d like to have children, but that is not a deal breaker. NO PHOTO=NO RESPONSE! MUST LIVE IN NYC!!!!!!

So basically no fatties from the suburbs.  As if anything he typed on his profile will stop them, trust me it won’t.  I have tried adding “age appropriate please” and instead of repelling any 60 year olds, it seems to act like a beacon of hope to them.  Being that negative will just make him look like a jerk to just about every other woman on the site.

And my latest trend is men who look like extras from “The Jersey Shore” with biceps flexed in their main photo and multiple posed hairless, steroid pumped shirtless photos all over their profiles once I investigate further.  Now I am trying to be open-minded,  I don’t think I could have even a five-minute conversation with a man like that.  Or maybe I could…maybe I too could learn to love spray tan, hair gel and men with shriveled testicles and wild mood swings…well isn’t that what happens when I guy is on steroids?   Oy Vey!  

 

3 comments on “Dating Online – Some of the worst profiles yet!

  1. Omes

    Funny, ive had similar experiences with online dates and their profiles. My favorite is “you must make the salary that you state on your profile ‘ 75,000-100,000’ because I need a man that can support me AND shower me with gifts. LOL so are you unemployed and a golddigger, because it’s pretty bold to post something like that.

  2. Pingback: Dating Online: Confessions of an Accidental Cougar | julietjeske

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