Dating After Divorce: Mr. or Ms. Angry

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I am adding the following disclaimer to all of my dating related blog posts.  I change details, and create composite characters when I write about dating archetypes such as “Mr. Houdini, Mr. Angry, etc.  I would hate it if someone wrote about a high energy blonde comedian negatively in a blog, so because of that I never include a person’s occupation or anything about their physical description.  I also change enough details that I doubt anyone I am referring to would even recognize themselves if they read one of my articles.   I have split one person into three, or taken several people and put them all into one example.  So simply put, I am very ethical on this blog.

We have all been out with someone like this, and I will freely admit that I have been this exact person.  I am writing this in part, because I need to remind myself of this bad dating habit.    And as always all of my examples will remain confidential and certain details will be changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Mr.or Ms. Angry

• Usually over 35 (Or any age)
• Any occupation
• Any socioeconomic background
• Good looking or unattractive doesn’t matter

Bad behavior

• Immediately starts complaining about something on a date
• Bitches about their ex
• Goes on and on about something dark or negative
• Gets angry with you over nothing
• Shows disrespect to a server or another service based employee
• Says horrible things about their family members
• Plays the Victim with no shades of gray

I will openly admit that I have been extremely guilty of being a “Negative Nellie” while on dates.  In my case I am more of a Ms. Morbid or Ms. Negative than Angry but they are really just different shades of the same color.  A date with a “Mr. Angry” will usually go something like this…

You meet somewhere for a quick bite or drink and your date immediately starts into a rant about something horrible in their life, could be one of any of the following, divorce, breakup, finances, politics, mortgage, lease, problems at work, hatred of something, even a former lover.

They start their first conversation with you a virtual stranger with a complaint of some sort.  Are they justified?  They very well might have plenty of reason to rant but doing so on a first date is a terrible idea.  I know I have a bad habit of talking about my divorce but it is difficult for me to avoid this topic since I am currently writing a book about it, I blog for the Huffington Post in the Divorce section and has been the single most traumatic and transformative event in my life.  It is difficult to not speak of the elephant in the room so to speak.  But try I must because when I am meeting a person for the first time and I find myself  just ranting about some injustice the red flags are blowing in the wind and sirens are going off, Danger, Danger…RUN!

One man who insisted on calling me (I hate calling men I haven’t already met) started the conversation with a 20 minute rant on how much he hated living in Los Angeles.  Another man complained about his sublet and an unfair landlord, another about the evils of abortion but my personal favorite referred to Kermit the Frog as a “Pig F*cker”.   And he said as much with pure venom.  I won’t get into what this man did for a living to protect his privacy but his job was sort of related to children’s entertainment.  A team of wild horses could not pull his identity from me and put it on this blog, but his pig f*cker line was so hysterical and such a great example I had to include it.    Most examples of Mr. and Ms. Angry will complain about a former partner, as it seems to be a favorite topic for many people.   As I have said many times on this blog and in my stand-up.

Any man who trashes his ex in front of a new woman, don’t be surprised if you are next on his list.

And of course this goes for women as well.  We have all dated psychos and some of us have experienced extremely bad behavior on the part of a former spouse or husband.  We may feel completely justified in our rants, but listing your grievances, when meeting some one new is not appropriate.  It is also a huge red flag is EVERY former partner of a Ms. or Mr. Angry is:

• Crazy
• Psycho
• Abusive
• Addict or Alcoholic

You have to ask yourself, what is the other side of the story?  And why does this person keep picking unstable or cruel people as partners? Some are real victims as bad relationships happen to nearly everyone, but if literally EVERY former lover is pure evil…chances are these situations have far more shades of gray then Mr. or Ms. Angry will let you in on.

When Mr. or Ms Angry starts off with a bitch fest, they are letting you know that any new person in their life is a dumping ground for their emotional baggage.  If you end up dating that person, you will become the new rubbish bin.  Of course we all complain about our lives to our friends and lovers but it should only be part of the relationship, not the main part.  Ideally you go on dates to get to know a new person, find things you share in common and if you are really lucky discover the intangible and elusive connection.  Your date is not your therapist, and you shouldn’t let someone treat you like one either.  I outta know, I know of where I speak on this one.   And the oldest rule in the book with dating, if your date treats a waiter like dirt….RUN.