Picture of the castle of Sleeping Beauty in The Efteling, the Netherlands (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The fairy tales we tell little girls and boys all seem to end with a wedding.  Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White never have to give up anything to keep their prince.   Somehow we are lead to believe that the sanctimonious wedding ceremony seals us for life and if our love is strong enough, everything will work out in the end.  The stories are of course, bullshit.

My fairy tale ended up being a fraud – based on lies and rotten to its core.  Now that I am on the other side of the rainbow, I now realize how much of myself I lost for the sake of that partnership.  Never again.  I urge anyone who has been in my situation to write a list of things that you REFUSE to give up for the sake of another.

• I get onstage with a microphone – at times I tell a heightened exaggerated version of my life for laughs
• I am not going to lose or gain weight for anyone – this is how I am – if I want to lose or gain weight it’s my business
• I am not getting plastic surgery to please anyone – again this is how I am if you don’t like it, find someone else
• I am opinionated and speak freely – we may not always agree
• I am blonde, not short, not small and I do not speak softly
• I tend to make people laugh without trying – I don’t need to be the center of attention but I am not a wallflower
• I have a lot of followers on twitter, Facebook and this blog
• I write a blog – sometimes it’s about my life
• I have two cats and love them like children – I make no apologizes for this
• I have an unconventional job, odd hours, inconsistent income but I will NEVER rely on you or anyone to pay my bills
• I live in a crappy neighborhood – hopefully this one will change – I’m working on it.
• I have a large dysfunctional family – they are very important to me
• I have eccentric, artistic friends – gay, queer, transgender, polyamorous, and everything in between.  Some get nearly naked onstage for fun
• I am a talkative person
• I don’t get drunk often, I am not into drugs
• I play the accordion and ukulele
• I read a LOT of books – I’m nerdy and smart and dreadful at all sports
• I am intense and passionate and have a bit of a temper – I try to control it – Usually comes out onstage
• I absolutely have to have a creative outlet or I cease to function – sewing costumes, baking, writing, singing, playing instruments getting onstage…etc.
• I will openly admit I am flawed and often make mistakes
• I can be forced to watch a sporting event…but the only sport I really understand is baseball
• I am straight forward and direct – almost too blunt but I have no idea how to manipulate or play games
• I don’t eat meat and I probably won’t eat it any time soon but I don’t care if you do.
• I prefer monogamy – I don’t judge other lifestyles but I know what works for me.  I am also very realistic about this subject no one is perfect.
• I don’t cheat – I just don’t have it in me
• I am politically left of center and insanely pro-union
• I adore children – I have no idea if I will get to have any but they are simply amazing
• Nothing pisses me off more than an unanswered text message
• Once I commit to another human being I am fiercely loyal

None of these things are negotiable…I refuse to get swept up again into the false reality that a marriage or relationship will save me.  In my new fairy tale, the only person I rely on is myself.  If I end up with a loving partner, great but I will not sacrifice who I am to make that happen.  Write your own list, and don’t look back.  🙂

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