Dating profiles are little windows into a person’s psyche. They say so much while saying so little at the same time. I’ve tried nearly every service from eHarmony, match.com, OkCupid, chemistry to even Jdate. I’m not Jewish but I live in New York City so I thought – why not? So far nothing has worked. I’m like a curious bystander staring at a crime scene or car accident, no matter how pathetic my online dating experiences have been, I just can’t tear myself away from the sites. Pursuing profiles is like a huge sociology experiment. If I have any advice on here to ANY MAN it would be this.
PLEASE HAVE A TRUSTED FEMALE FRIEND, WHO IS NOT YOUR MOTHER, LOOK OVER YOUR PROFILE BEFORE YOU PUBLISH IT.
I would repeat that three times for emphasis but I like to keep my word count under 1000 on this blog.
One of the things I learned quickly in regards to emails on OKCupid – A guy’s name says so much. I get email all day on those sites. If a guy has a crazy name, I know it isn’t even worth opening anything until the next day. Sometimes a name can actually ruin everything, in one case a man emailed me with a name that was a creative spelling of spermbank, yet when I looked at his profile he seemed perfectly normal. I just couldn’t imagine though, going out on a date with a man who thought SPERMBANK was an appropriate name for a dating profile. I write this with the intention of helping guys who are well intentioned but have no clue about how a name like, HappyHuggerGuy might come across to a woman. The more extreme names like Slave4URFeet or BigSugarDaddyLvr will always be there, and easy to disregard. But if you are a guy and you aren’t sure why your profile isn’t getting more email, or if your a woman and want to see some of the most tragic names I could find…this article is for you! Most names fall into the following categories.
Sexy Names – must contain one or more of the following
- Deep, Long
- Big, Huge,
- Pulsing, Thorbbing
- Girthy, Girth, Thick, Wide
- Pervert, Perv
- Casual, NoStrings, Discrete
- Honorable Mentions:
I Think the only thing I have to offer is MY MONEY
- Ferrari, Lexxus, Porsche, Benz
I’m a Sensitive guy – these made my skin crawl more than any other category
- Lover, Loves, Lovey
- Huggs, Huggable, Hugger
- Kisser, Kisses, Kissy
- Honorable Mentions
The following are subcategories that depending on the woman could work. After all, we are all quite different and if a woman specifically seeks a squirrel loving guy who is into BDSM and has a foot fetish – A name like SquirrelDomFootLuv – might be just the thing. If you are into kinky and this is what you are looking for, by all means don’t hide it. It’s always better to NOT surprise a potential partner
I’m Kinky or a have a Fetish
- Kinky, Kink,
- Slave, Master, Slavery
- Submissive, Sub, Dom, Dominant
- Beat Me, Wimpy, Wimpee
- LoveFeet, LoveBig, LoveCurves, TallChaser
- Fisty – Couldn’t make that one up
- Honorable Mentions
Spiritual – Again these would repulse me, but if you are a mystical sort seeking a similar type of gal, they could be perfect
- Soul, Soulmate
- Peaceful, Peace
- Spirit, Spirit Guide, Searcher
- Seeker, Visionary, Visions,
- Dreamer, Dream,
- SunGod, Goddess Seeker,
Alternative Lifestyle Names – Again for the right girl, these could be just the thing
- Vegan – probably the #1 I see in theis category. I get it, as they are probably seeking another vegan.
- Veggie, Veg
I might be Dangerous!
Proud to be me
- Geek, Geeky
The Classics – These are total cliches. They aren’t terrible, just massively overused.
- Guy4U, Guy4Ya, YourGuy
- PrinceCharming, Knight, Prince
- StopLooking, SearchEndsHere
- I’mTheOne, TheOne
- Popeye – I have no idea why this one is popular but I see it a lot
- NormalGuy, GuyNextDoor, FavoriteGuy, Regular, Average
- Smiler, Smiles, Smile
- Boy, Boyz,
- Johnny or Joe – both extremely popular
- Happy, Nice, Fun
- MacGyver – A LOT of guys make variations on that joke
- Honorable Mentions
Animals – Used a lot, not sure why.
- Dog or Dawg
- Monkey – extremely common – I have no idea why names like MonkeySmiler would help a guy out, but to each his own.
Inexplicable names – I have no idea what they were thinking…honestly I don’t. These are all real names, I’m not kidding.
- Mudrunner – Could mean you’re into off-roading, but a woman probably won’t get the reference – this one is iffy.
- PappyAss – Personal favorite, as what the hell does it mean? And how would it attract women?
Boring Names – Include things like
- Location – NY, SF, ATL
- Age – 1973, 1984, 1968
I usually get attracted to a photo, and then I read the profile. Those are the two things that grab me, a boring name will NOT turn me off. My own name on the site is fairly boring. However a super cheesy, overly sexual, creepy, cuddly name could hurt you. So when in doubt just call your self NYCGuySohoDentist – You’ll probably get more email!
- Success in dating online (toledoblade.com)
- Dating Online The Coward (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Dating Online: The Body Experiment (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Dating Online: The Liar -A Hall of Famer (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Online Dating: Advice for Men How to Pick the Best Photos for your Profile (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Dating After Divorce: Why it’s so Difficult in your Late Thirties (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Dating in NYC: Mr Houdini (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Dating in NYC: What Men Should or Shouldn’t do on a First Date (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Dating After Divorce: Mr. or Ms. Angry (julietjeskeblog.com)
- Did I Shave My Legs for This? Or, the (Mis)Adventures of Online Dating (ithinkillstartablog.wordpress.com)
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