A friend recently remarked that several popular comic book characters all seem to have a common thread in their origins – both villains and heroes have backgrounds filled with tragedy. Admittedly I don’t know a great deal about the biographies of most comic book characters but the archetype of the villain with a wounded past, or hero with a tragic childhood are common throughout western literature.  It is so pervasive I wanted to find real life examples of both.

• Lincoln – Came from humble means, suffered many setbacks early in his career, lost nearly all of his children to disease, his wife suffered from mental illness and Lincoln himself may have struggled with depression – yet is still considered one of our greatest presidents
• FDR – Although crippled by polio he was arguably one of our most successful and celebrated presidents, while going to great lengths to conceal the extent of his disability.
• Helen Keller – Facing almost insurmountable physical disabilities she obtained a bachelor’s degree and dedicated her life to increasing awareness and understanding for the disabled.

All three of these real life heroes could have easily given up and few would have criticized them for it.   And much like literary or comic book characters they all made mistakes, had flaws and shortcomings, but they managed to overcome extremely difficult circumstances. Would Lincoln have been as successful if his life wasn’t constantly filled with obstacles?  Would FDR been able to lead our country through World War II had he been a spoiled wealthy investor from a well-connected family who never faced physical challenges?   If Helen Keller had both sight and hearing would she had been a simple housewife or teacher?  It’s hard to say, but I would argue that in these three cases the obstacles they overcame strengthened their character and resolve.  The trauma they endured may have scarred them up a bit, but they grew stronger as a result.

I can’t help but think of a friend I knew in college.  She was someone who had known more death before age 22 than most of us will know before we are 80.  Three of her best friends died while she was still in high school.  The first friend died in an accident, the second from a suicide and the third died from a gunman on the street.  This same young woman watched as her father died in front of her of cancer and then just a few years later lost her mother to a heart attack.   You might think it would make her bitter, angry and hateful of the world, but she was one of the most empathetic people I have ever met.  She definitely had dark moments, but she valued life more than most.  Her loss caused her to take nothing for granted.

The best known quote about this is from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

The quote is true to a point.  For some the tragedies we endure do in fact make us better people, but there are those who simply grow hateful and bitter from difficult experiences.

How different would our world be right now if a young man in Austria with a troubled childhood, a failed artistic career, and post traumatic stress disorder chose a different way to channel his anger.  Hitler directed his disappointments into hatred and bitterness and the entire world still pays the cost of his pathology.  Most serial killers and mass murderers have had horribly traumatic childhoods filled with profound abuse and neglect.   Are sociopaths made or born?  Does trauma cause some to gain empathy, while others lose it?

From my experience I have found in some ways I have grown emotionally and have much more compassion and empathy.  Yet at the same time, I am more guarded and can emotionally cut people off without much thought.  My self-protective instincts kick in and I disengage any perceived threat.  So I struggle, to become a better person from what I have endured.  Some days it feels like a never-ending battle in my head to avoid bitterness and negativity.  My main coping mechanism is my sense of humor and this blog. At least I know and accept that I have challenges, and I don’t kid myself that it’s easy.

Most of us aren’t as extreme as a Hitler, or a Lincoln.  We aren’t serial killers or saints.  But for those of us without sociopathic tendencies the choices we make after a traumatic experience can help us from becoming bitter and jaded from the experience.  It’s a struggle as old as time itself.  Very few of us make it to age 30, 40 or 50 without going through some major losses, deaths and disappointments.  We didn’t choose our parents, childhoods or our socioeconomic backgrounds but we can make some positive choices once we are adults.  We can learn for the examples of others and try to grow from what nearly killed us, rather than letting the darkness consume us.

Related articles

• When Helen Keller Confronted the Nazis (algemeiner.com)
• Ray Begovich, Indiana Professor, Finds Film Of FDR’s Secret Disability (huffingtonpost.com)
• Ind. prof: Film shows FDR in concealed wheelchair (news.yahoo.com)
• Survival and tragedy: Epstein shares Holocaust story (msamessenger.wordpress.com)
• A Very Wise Quote From Helen Keller (renardmoreau.wordpress.com)

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