The Xbox “S” controller. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Trying to date men who are age appropriate in the roughly 35-45 age bracket it shocks me how many men in this category still exist.  We know them well, by their habits and ways…but what exactly is a “Man-Child?”

• Age – at least over thirty
• Occupation – usually something with no real career advancement but flexible hours
• Economic Background – Any level but a man with a large trust fund can live like this indefinitely
• Wardrobe – Dress like they are at least 10 years younger than their actual age – Aging Hipster
• Bad habits – smoking, frequent heavy drinking, drug use
• Almost always promiscuous – avoid commitment
• No real plans for the future
• Emotionally unavailable
• Lives cheaply or barely within his means – has no savings

Now if the man who I just described is 25 years old, it is no real cause for concern.  As a man under the age of thirty is trying to work things out.  The exception being an aspiring actor, writer, musician, or artist.  Anyone pursing a creative profession might have one or more lower paying flexible dead-end jobs while they pursue their greater passion.  But a man who does not have these ambitions, and is this unfocused past a certain age, one has to wonder about.

The typical pad of a Man-Child is either a tiny filthy studio or a large sprawling space with multiple roommates.  A large flat screen TV and Xbox will be the centerpiece, some secondhand furniture, while used take out containers line the room along with various porn DVDs.  The refrigerator will contain nothing but alcohol, and a bong filled with ashes will be strewn about the floor along with some smokey one-hitters.  Again, an apartment like this is not too alarming if the man in question is under 30 years of age, but once over 35 its a huge red flag.   The Man-Child usually doesn’t want to “tie themselves” down to one woman, so they are constantly on the hunt for new conquests.  I met a great example of this type the other day who said within five minutes of meeting me.

“New York City is all about getting as much pussy as possible”

He claimed he was 36 years old but I suspected he was older.  His co-workers informed me that he has claimed 36 as his age for several years now.  They also told me to run, not walk away from him.  I obliged as I could practically feel the slime oozing off of him.   So what becomes of an aging Man-Child?  As I have entered my late thirties myself the prognosis is not so great.  The lifestyle of constant detached hook-ups, late night drinking binges and drug fulled parties gets more and more difficult to sustain.  A somewhat out-of-shape man over forty is not going to attract the same amount of women he did in his twenties, no matter how charming he might be, and especially if he is broke.  What I find most amusing about these men is their overwhelming fear of commitment.   As if they commit to one woman surely someone better will be just around the corner.  Even though with each passing day the likelihood of someone better showing up gets less and less.

So what is a gal to do if you encounter a man-child?  If you see a diamond in the rough, good luck to you.  Personally haven’t had the best of luck in transforming anyone but occasionally a dyed in the wool man-child will have a change of heart and turn into a full-fledged man.  But chances are you will just end up taking care of him, emotionally and possibly financially as long as you are with him.

Of course there is the female equivalent.  A woman who lives for the day, has no savings, no plan and spends all their time, money and effort trying to snag a man who will take care of them.  She might get lucky, but once past a certain age, her prospects will diminish.  Or maybe she is simply on the hunt for multiple sexual partners and wild times.  Not so surprising if in their early twenties, but rather sad once past a certain age.

New York city enables this behavior well past its appropriateness because the lifestyle here feeds off of the myth that living like a twenty year old is always sustainable.  In very few parts of the country can a person make the income off of a dead-end job as they can in New York.  Plus the New York City nightlife is dominated by others looking for a cheap thrill and those who make a profit promoting that lifestyle.  Unfortunately for those us who want to grow up, as the more stable and grounded people get married, the dating pool becomes filled with Man-Child types.  If you don’t want to end up being a surrogate parent to a man or woman who just wants to perpetually live like a child, then avoid these people like the plague.  After all, our late thirties should be a time of personal growth and professional advancement, not the time to take care of a deadbeat loser.

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