English: Angry cat

English: Angry cat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I did another search on Match.com tonight and at first glance this guy seemed all right but then I read this…and I am going to break it down into sections…

  • Professional looking for a modern, emancipated, attractive, sane (!!), affectionate, feminine, open-minded, sexy, and sexual woman.

So OK, the sexual part is a bit off-putting as it can come across as kind of creepy.  And he did write it twice, sexy and sexual, so we get it, you are a man who likes sex…shocking!  And sane?  Well who really thinks they are insane?  I think insanity is a relative term.  I dress up in wigs and yell into microphones all over the city for about $40-75 a show and during the day I perform for children as Lulu the clown or paint faces of the extremely rich and privileged.  All in hopes that I might one day get a comedy, voice over or commercial career.  Many would call that insanity.  Even I call it insanity, but I digress.

  • She should be down-to-earth and comfortable in the local diner as much as in a 5 star restaurant. No prude goody-two-shoes or Manhattan socialites, please. I can meet those any day in the city…I am European, liberal, very open-minded and am looking for my match.

OK dude I am with you!  But European causes some red flags in my head.  Are you going to want to move back?  Are you looking for a green card?  It is not a HUGE red flag, but it is something to mention as I love living in New York and I NEVER WANT TO MOVE!  And no goody-two-shoes?  What does that mean?  I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs so some might call me a goody-two-shoes, but I also perform extremely raunchy adult themed material both in stand-up and in the burlesque community.  So I don’t know if in this guy’s book I would be a goody-two-shoes or not!  I guess I ride that Madonna/Whore conflict in my persona a bit on the razor’s edge.  I would definitely not call myself a prude…if you listen to any of my song lyrics…the word prude wouldn’t really come to mind.   But then he wrote this, and any lingering desire I had to wink at him or send him an email disappeared.

After a few weeks on here, I’d also like to add:

  • if you have pictures of you cuddling with your dog/ cat
  • excessive nature pictures
  • pictures of gardens of cherry-blossoms
  • write that you “like the finer things in life”
  • carry around a tiny dog, like a chihuahua, in a luxury bag and refer to it as your “baby”
  • had so much plastic surgery that you start to look like the cat woman
  • every one of your kids is from a different father
  • we are NOT a match. Guaranteed.

Dude!  It is one thing to bitch about these things on a blog, and another thing entirely to put these on your profile where you think potentially interested women might read it…HA! 🙂

I get him on the gold digger hints, the multiple baby daddies…those are obvious red flags.  Although babies and baby daddy situations can be tricky, so it is hard to put a blanket statement out there like that.  As I have know some very stable men and women who might have children with more than one partner.  But in general it is a red flag, I will give him that.

But I call my cats my babies and treat them almost like they are my children.  So what?  And what is wrong with nature shots?  I don’t have any on my profile and they are a bit odd, but who cares?  And he doesn’t like people cuddling with their pets?  That is strange, why would that illicit such a negative reaction in a person?

My hunch is that he is angry and frustrated from the dating process.  Maybe he is the sweetest man on the planet, but online dating is not like ordering a sandwich.  Sure I would prefer someone age appropriate, at least my height, not in the entertainment business and stable…so I get it.  But to put an angry laundry list ON YOUR PROFILE?  I am sure he is still getting multiple emails from multiple women with the very things he describes.  And at the same time driving women like myself away.  Because most people don’t read your profile, yet the slightly more “sane” women do.   So way to go Mr. Angry European for making my online experience that much more entertaining and draining.  HA!  🙂

5/26/11

I just got this one today and I had to add it.  I really felt for this guy as I have been ignored countless times from men online after I sent a short email or wink, so I get it.  But this man shouldn’t have this on his profile, I can’t imagine any woman would send him an email after reading this.  I felt so strongly that I actually sent him a short note basically saying, look, if you only knew what women go through on these sites.  I have had more men personally attack me for no reason than I can to mention.

The first thing I need to say to any woman who reads my profile and is interested in meeting me: SAY SO. Send me a message and invite me to meet you.  I’ve sent several hundred messages to several hundred women of all different types, from all kinds of backgrounds. Each one of them was at least 95% match, 85% friend, and less than 10% enemy. Most were over 98% match.

Aside from ONE woman, I have been utterly ignored.
No “no thank you,” no “you’re not my type, sorry.”

In the words of Steve Buscemi from Fargo: “TOTAL FUCKING SILENCE”

And I ask you, who would respond positively to a profile that starts out like that?  I can’t imagine.  I really do empathize with his situation, but his profile is not helping.   What is that phrase again?  “There is a reason why they are single”

6 comments on “Dating Online – The Super Negative profile

  1. Kelly

    Dear Juliet,
    Thank you for writing about the craziness of online dating in NY (sadly, I’m not alone). I am a 33 yr old single woman living in the city. I’ve been meeting mostly jerks & time wasters online for the last year & find it so frustrating. You mention that you actually met a very nice man- and were dating- congrats! I didn’t think this kind of man truly exists.
    Is there really such thing as a very nice man? Or is it like a Unicorn- only in my imagination?
    So bored, bummed & tired of the games. So thankful that smart, outspoken women like you blog about the madness that we go through.
    Anyway, thank you for your words.
    Best,
    Kelly

    1. julietjeske

      He was a very sweet nice man. I met him on Match.com and we dated over a year ago. It was too soon after my divorce so it fell apart, but I don’t blame him, the timing was way off. I think he is dating someone now, and I am sure he is very happy. I have no ill will towards him whatsoever. I lucked out, he was the second guy I went out with from online dating. However after him I took a break, and stopped even looking for a while. And since I started back it has been a whole lot of nothing. I have met some interesting guys but they either weren’t a good match or they weren’t really ready to date yet due to their own issues. I don’t want to comment further because I don’t want to be unfair towards any of them. I try to write in general terms, like take three guys and lump them into one when writing. That way if someone reads this, they don’t say “Hey that’s me!”

      Dating is hell, and I think it gets harder the older you get. The playing field gets stranger and stranger. But hang in there and keep the faith, I know I have to every day. I was happily married and the whole thing fell apart, so now I am back in the game so to speak! I started blogging about this out of frustration and the blog has gotten really popular. I had no idea! So thanks for reading, and good luck to you!!!!

  2. Kelly

    Thanks for blogging & helping me feel not so alone in this crazy thing.
    Good luck to you too!
    🙂

  3. phil

    For some of us men, it doesn’t matter what we put on our profiles. If you’re a man and bald, grey, and heaven forbid, thin yet active and in great shape, have a good career, own your own house with no debts or mortgage, are intelligent with a PhD and good career in engineering, and tall it still doesn’t matter. Just because you don’t have bulging muscles and a Brad Pitt face no woman will respond anyway. And most won’t find out about your nice debt-free house, decent stable personality, and other goodies. But maybe that’s for the best because maybe they don’t deserve what you have to offer anyway.

    If this is you, go right ahead and make a joke of your profile – something like “We are all animals, my dear” or “I’ll have to ask my parole officer”. It won’t make any difference anyway and at least you will be amused.

    Love (Lust) is not rational. I see intelligent and beautiful women falling for aggressive, poor, mean, irresponsible boars that have two defining attributes – a thick body and loud aggressive, mocking, abusive demeanor. One such cowardly boar in our meetup group makes fun of such a woman who’s interested in him – of course when she’s not in his presence.

    So don’t take it personally that none of these “online women” are looking for men like you. They’re all looking for a fairy tale 7’6″ Knight who’ll take them to his castle and entertain them hand and foot 24-7.

    Meanwhile, keep a sharp eye out for the very occasional nice woman who’ll actually engage you in a real face-face conversation. That’s actually how you’ll find love and lust.

    Amazing how the Creator has just set up things so well that justice is automatic.

    1. julietjeske

      I am a comedian. So mocking is what I do. I mock myself quite a bit too. If anything my blog is meant to be fun and most of the feedback I get on here both from men and women is positive. When a man or woman uses their online profile to rant against the opposite sex, or trashes an ex, or rips on online dating in general…well that isn’t going to get them very far now is it? No matter what they look like. I have just parked my profile and done little else and I have gotten pure venom from some men, and if I try to send a polite response, it gets worse. So men can whine and rip on how women are horrible bitches because we don’t respond to them, but if they only knew what we went through on our end they might understand. I met one guy online that I liked and I tried to date, but he didn’t have enough time in his life for me with his demanding job and two children. I eventually gave up on him, which is a shame but it happens all the time in my age bracket. The thing that drew me into his profile? He used a photo of just a shoe, so his face didn’t do it. But I like the way he wrote. He was obviously intelligent, and when he described his ideal match I felt like he was describing me exactly and I told him as much. So it may seem that women are only attracted to bulging muscles or debt free situations, but that isn’t the case. It’s a crap shoot and it is hard for both genders, the vast majority of dates I have gone on have been dreadful, I think for both parties involved, not just me. Finding the right person especially when over 35 is extremely difficult, but anyone will get more with honey than vinegar.

  4. Pingback: Dating Online: Confessions of an Accidental Cougar | julietjeske

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