So this whole thing has been insane. If you haven’t yet read the original blog post here is the link.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/juliet-jeske/dating-after-divorce-in-a_b_944133.html#comments

I had been writing this blog for a while and it was slowly but surely becoming more and more popular. On the advice of a friend, I decided to take my most popular post and submit it to the divorce section of the Huffington Post. I had been published numerous times in the comedy section but always in the form of satire videos. This was my first attempt at getting anything I had written published online or elsewhere.

I had no idea of the insane amount of popularity the post would generate. I didn’t know the editor beforehand, and she took a couple of days to get back to me. She thought the article was well written and she liked my voice, so she decided to run it as the lead story for labor day weekend. I don’t think either one of us had any idea that it would cause such a fervor.

Most of the feedback that I have gotten has been positive, and my twitter account went from about 260 followers to over 650 in a matter of a couple of days and is still climbing. The article got picked up by a number of news sources on the internet and the readers kept rising. Right now the story has been favorited almost 5,000 times on Facebook and has over a thousand comments. I have received personal email, subscribers to this blog, fans added to my youtube account, and fans added to my facebook account.

The criticism has been so diverse I have to break it down in sections. I find it stunning that so many people had such different reactions to the piece.

  • I hate men
  • I hate women
  • I hate sex
  • I am misrepresenting polyamorous people – I honestly don’t know much about the lifestyle but I really don’t have a problem with people who are openly polyamorous 
  • I should move to another city
  • Several people have told me they have the exact same problem in their city
  • I am somehow Christian or pro-Christian – I am staunchly non-religious and identify as agnostic
  • I am fat or unattractive – I am 5’7″ and a size 4, I am nowhere near fat, unattractive is in the eye of the beholder I guess but I am not even close to being overweight.
  • I should have stayed married – Well my husband was gay so that wasn’t going to happen
  • I was somehow spoiled by my ex-husband and now I am bitter – that is so far off the mark it isn’t funny.
  • I am whiny and negative – Well I guess but if it was an article that just stated how happy I was I doubt anyone would have read it.
  • I have had numerous people give me dating advice – some good, some crazy
  • I need to lower my standards and date older men, younger men, or less attractive men
  • I have also had several men ask me out, or want to start a correspondence with me online
  • I should love myself more
  • I am attracting the wrong kind of men because of something I am doing
  • I deserve to be alone because I am a bitch
  • But I have gotten a tremendous amount of people saying they are going through the exact same thing, and that they completely agree with me!!!!!!!

I obviously struck a nerve or it wouldn’t have caused so many people to respond.  My general response to anyone who gets seriously worked up over this article or anything else that I write is this…

Write your own blog and try to submit it somewhere and see what happens.

I only glance through the comment section as there is no way I could or would want to read all of them, so it is honestly wasted energy on anyone making a comment.  But I do find it hysterical how people literally project their own agenda on to a fairly straight forward article.

I basically say, I don’t like feeling pressured to have sex with  a virtual stranger, and that if people like that behavior and it works for them then great!  I also point out that both men and women and people of all sexual orientations engage in promiscuous behavior.   I never say my way is better than another choice, nor do I tell people how to live.  But that doesn’t stop the comments.

So thank you to all of the people who have supported the article, and to my detractors well there is no such thing as bad publicity so keep it up!  HA!!! 🙂  Oh and if anyone knows of any PAID writing assignments send them my way!  HA!!!  I am an unpaid blogger for the Huffington Post, I am not a reporter, I am not a published author.  I make very little money as a performer, but I do perform all over New York city.  Since leaving my husband my income has been devastated as I used to work with him, so I am just looking for a place to land.  Will write for food!  HA! 🙂

8 comments on “City of Sluts the Aftermath

  1. Joel Harding

    Excellent article, Juliet and excellent follow-up! I found your article right on the money. All my single female friends seem to go through the same angst and try to balance chaos and order, privacy and openness, casual versus form and all the other factors you touched on. When I was on a popular dating site I felt pressured to jump into meeting face to face, but when I finally found a more casual site I backed way the heck off. It’s nice to read how you feel, now I regard my feelings as more normal… Thanks!

  2. Mary

    Juliet, I’m still in a marriage that should have ended 22 years ago. We stayed together for the sake of our son. We felt we needed to sacrifice our happiness and sanity for him. We didn’t know what a mistake that was until two years ago when my mother passed away. My son at that time had decided to divorce his wife. A beautiful woman whom I loved as a daughter. They had one child. A litte girl of 3—the love of my life. I was so upset at my son. A day after my mother’s funeral, I was arguing with my husband, (as usual) and I also turned on my son. He said to me, “mom, I know you think I don’t love Melanie (my granddaughter) because I want to go ahead with my divorce. . .” I cut him off and yelled, “you don’t-you don’t love her! If you did, you would stay in your marriage and give her a home.” He didn’t say anything for a few moments, and then in a quiet whisper he said to me, “Mom, I don’t want to have a marriage like your’s and dad’s.” What a shocker! My husband and I thought we were doing the best thing for our son, and instead we did the worst by having him witness his parent’s ugly marriage.

    Divorce is not a pretty business, but sometimes it’s the best for everyone involved. Sometimes it’s even the best for the children. To the people who judged you for ending your marriage, I say screw ’em.

    No1Iknow

  3. xkey

    Juliet, Juliet NYC art thou. An excellent article summing up modern day ‘dating’ behaviour in too many US cities. Except for Chicago, the US Midwest is still somewhat of an old-school dating bastion. Perhaps you should try to start a Burlesque show in Milwaukee [my old hometown :)]? The arts are booming in Milwaukee and so is dating life. Milwaukee also has a nice skyline and beautiful lake next to it.
    *Sigh* I miss Milwaukee and I miss dating. I’m “stuck” in the cornbelt of Illinois committed to being a good dad in a shared custody arrangement. If you pass through this way, please let me know and I’d catch your show in Indy or Chitown. Thus I can relate to your plight in theory 😉
    Best wishes,
    Tom

    PS 1970s sci-fli flicks do rock – as do 70s campy sci-fi tv series 🙂

  4. Alexander Seinfeld

    Well said. The real problem is that it is true that more men tend to be interested in non-committal hookups than women, and so as long as there are enough women to meet the demand, men are going to go for it. What used to require a ring they can now get for free.

    But surely in the city that has everything one can find a hangout for singles who seek committed relationships? Or maybe someone like you needs to create one…..

  5. James

    Thank you sluts of NY, for weeding out the types of men I do not wish to endure years of relationship building to find out, I was just a passing fling. I was looking for the man with purple hair, in a sea of blondes and brunnettes, I finally found him, sitting along in the corner wondering why life was passing him by, As the sluts of NY introduced themselves and offered the usual one night menu, I watched as he turned them down and I knew I had found someone worth my time

  6. Chris

    When I was a kid, it was a meat market. Didn’t like it. Found someone… together 20 years, now single.

    The current cheapening of relationships is repulsive. Even my teenage boys are put off by the in your face nature of the hook up culture. The only people not playing this game are the elite or traditionalists… and (speaking as a traditionalist) the trads tend to date for marraige inside their religious groups.

    Advice? Ignore the market, and instead do hobbies and sports men like. You are more likely to meet someone sensible at the end of a mountain bike race than in a NY bar.

  7. j

    Ms. Jeske, you’re a good writer and (I’m sure you’re already considering this but) you should consider developing your Huffington Post article, “Dating After Divorce in a City of Sluts” into a romantic comedy feature length screenplay. You have the makings of a good story and the story behind your story about the life of the article are enough to help you get your screenplay to the right people. Good luck and keep writing. Your pal. – J

    1. julietjeske

      I don’t have an agent or manager, but I am going to do this big push to try to get one. Thanks so much!

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