English: The American actress Tara Reid. Franç...

English: The American actress Tara Reid. Français : Actrice américaine Tara Reid. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One subject that comes up a lot in the comments section of my articles run along the following lines.

“Well logically most men wouldn’t be as interested in dating a divorced woman in her late thirties for a number of reasons”

Something about the words logic and dating together didn’t sit well with me.  Sure, I understand that generally speaking men might be attracted to younger women with less baggage.  And in theory, both men and women seek out mates that are healthy, mentally stable, and kind.  Logically a potential partner should make us feel good about ourselves, make our lives easier or improve it in some way.   This is all true, but I tend to find many adults don’t always use logic when looking for a partner.

And since dating since my divorce baffles me, I can’t help but think of the following two categories of people who always seem to attract mates–Bad Boys, and Psycho Bitches.

The Bad Boy – Has more than one of the following qualities, if not all of them

  • Unstable income or no income – sometimes wealthy
  • Criminal history
  • Serial Cheater
  • Physically Attractive – although not always
  • Initially charming
  • Children with multiple partners or unknown children
  • Engages in reckless behavior, drug or alcohol abuse, dangerous hobbies, sports
  • Brooding, mysterious and or emotionally unavailable
  • Example – Kevin Federline, ultimate bad boy – Charlie Sheen

The Psycho Bitch – The female equivalent of the Bad Boy

  • Unstable or no income
  • Criminal history
  • Serial Cheater
  • Physically attractive – although not always
  • Children with multiple partners possibly with unknown paternity
  • Engage in Reckless Behavior, drug or alcohol abuse, dangerous hobbies, sports
  • Hyper emotional, dramatic and wild
  • Example – Tara Reid, ultimate psycho bitch – Casey Anthony

Of course a person can have one or more of those traits and be emotionally balanced and healthy, but to have several probably indicates they are a hot mess.   And yet both bad boys and psycho bitches are rarely alone.  What is so attractive about either?  Logically the craziest and cruelest among us should be the least desirable partners, but that isn’t often the case.

I know of one woman who I would put in the “psycho bitch” camp.  She tells somewhat unbelievable tales of her former relationships to anyone and everyone.  Her past couplings have included physical and emotional abuse, police intervention and even attempted murder.  She will also freely admit to past drug addiction, being institutionalized, mental problems, and medical issues so severe that she survives in part, on disability.  She openly advertises her craziness to the universe and yet she hasn’t gone for more than a few months without a boyfriend or husband.  She is not young and beautiful and she is hardly charming.  I don’t get it.  Do these men not see the multiple red flags flying in the breeze as they approach her?  How much louder could she scream “I am a train wreck”

And then there are the ultimate bad boys, men on death row, convicted of horrible vicious crimes finding sympathetic female pen pals.   One of the most disturbing and prolific serial killers of our time, Ted Bundy even had one admirer relocate to Florida to be closer to him during his trial.  She eventually married him and gave birth to his child, while in full knowledge of his stunningly horrific crimes.  And she was only one of many, apparently Bundy received loads of fan mail from adoring women.

I read about a theory into the evolutionary reason to why some women are attracted to “bad boys”.  It was along the lines of bad boys are risk takers, and risk takers were advantageous during the time of hunting and gathering.   Once humans developed agriculture, stable and secure men, were more advantageous and won the upper hand.  I didn’t really buy into this theory since most bad boys I have known, usually lived off of a woman, either a girlfriend, wife or mother — not exactly risk takers.   And so far as I can tell no one has bothered to study why men would be attracted to such volatile women.   Mommy issues?  Masochism?  Love of drama?  I have no idea.

Is it the sex?  Are bad boys and crazy bitches great in bed?  From my own experience and from that of my friends I don’t think that is always the case.  I have heard many tales of seemingly passionate bad boys being a snooze fest and of crazy bitches who just lie there.   So although sex might play a factor in some of the bad boy, psycho bitch success, they are not always incredible lovers.

Does any of this make any logical sense?  For some, taming the wild shrew or the getting a Casanova to commit is the ultimate achievement.  For the people who love dating bad boys and psycho bitches, romance has to be full of pain, drama and passion.

Since the overwhelming disaster of my divorce I crave a  stable and calm relationship.  I don’t need to soothe the raging beast of some wild man-child.  But I keep seeing examples of it all around me in both men and women.  So I have to laugh a bit when someone points out the logic in dating.  Just like so many other aspects of human behavior, who we choose to date isn’t always so logical.

7 comments on “Dating After Divorce – Bad Boys and Psycho Bitches

  1. Cadence Harper

    I agree logic has little to do with it. So many times I’ve heard men and women go in to a huge speech about what he or she is looking for in a relationship, and then take up with the complete opposite. Maybe you just don’t know until you -feel- it.

  2. Anders

    Even if it seems as if peoples choises are completely illogical, there usually is a psychological reason behind really stupid choises. The typical dysfunction is that we tend to be attracted to persons that resembles the more negative of our parents. You can look this up search for “Inner child psychology” or anything along the lines of dysfunction or acting out or whatever. There is litterature about this so there is some degree of understanding to be gained. The key is to heal ones own psychology that way the Bad boy/Psycho bitch has weaker and fewer anchorpoints for their hooks. Because that’s what they do. They can make a person feel obliged to them for no reason at all. They use guilt manipulation and their basic instinct is that of a user. Meaningful human relationships are not easy to find, especially since it takes a long time to know someone if one really wants to do the better or worse, richer or poorer, sicknes and healt Contract with that individual. That’s what marital love is the willingness to endure together with a person and still FEEL love for that other one. If the sense of tender love is not there and expressed on a daily basis, then one needs to ask oneself why is that? Dissagreements and conflicting behavior is a product of the human condition. Abusive relationships are not.

  3. Randseed Bin

    Wow. Once again we share the same thoughts. I absolutely agree with the addition that, in my experience, a psycho bitch often owns more than 2 cats. meow.

  4. Megabrain Mike

    I’ve got to say, it’s heartening to know that there’s a pretty blonde woman out there that is thinking about this too, and it’s not just the fat nerdy dudes like me. I’ve never been divorced, but the bad boy/psycho bitch experience is all familiar.

    I lucked out, my wife apparently has a sasquatch fetish and so we clicked right away. But I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon since, well jeez, probably since about 4th grade. (Oh, the cruel irony of never going through a “girls are yucky” phase when you’re the fat kid with frizzy hair.)

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