I should really call this more adventures in NOT online dating because I am online, but I am not really going on any dates.  Why?  Well most of the guys that email me have what I would call not so desirable profiles, live way to far away or are way out of my age range .  Then the men that I send quick “Hey I would love to go for coffee” emails don’t email me back.  Most men and women go through the “email blow off”, I have learned to let it roll right off of me, as it is just part of the game.  But I just had a few men email me in a row that had such crazy profiles I felt the need to share them with my regular readers.

The Liar – A man or woman who is clearly making stuff up out of whole cloth and sticking on their profile, although sometimes reading these profiles are highly amusing.

  • No photos
  • Photos where you can only see body parts or slivers of their face
  • Wearing sunglasses in every single photo
  • Their occupations or history seem fantastical
  • Their profile it is essentially blank

To be more accurate there are two kinds of liars on-line.  The ones who lie by omission in that they tell you nothing (probably married) or the who create fantasy profiles.  I am going to focus on one of the craziest profiles I found the other day.  This guy was so out-there that I was actually laughing out loud when I read it.

I will change some specifics to protect the man’s identity but he was average looking and claimed to be 30 years old and 5’9″ in height.  He also had photos that looked like professional acting headshots.  The problem was that the headshots appeared about 15-20 years old.  His hair, clothing and the style the photos screamed early 1990’s.  He also had one heavily photo-shopped image of himself dressed as a pilot with no explanation given other than “I am a patriot”. But here I will just breakdown his other ridiculous claims on his profile

Worked as a professional actor for 16 years having done multiple shows and films – OK, so he was some type of child actor since he would have had to start acting at age 14 if that were true or even younger if you believe what he later claims is his current profession.

Worked as a professional model having done several major magazines – Again as a person who knows a thing or two about the modeling industry that is complete horse shit.  He “might” be able to model at 5’9″ if he had an absolutely perfect ripped muscular body, and then he would do underwear or possibly commercial print.  But here is the thing the minimum height for a male model is 5’11”.   Not to mention the guy was hardly good-looking, and he was slightly stocky.  And his terminology was way off, a model wouldn’t say they have done major magazines unless they have done the cover…and how often do you see male models on the cover of magazines?  They are usually on mens magazines and look a lot like the fitness type model I described earlier.  In fact nowadays most magazine covers feature actors and athletes, not models.  If had really booked work modeling he would say ad campaigns, catalog, print work or runway.  He obviously inventing all of it!

I currently work as a Federal law enforcement agent….I wish I was kidding…but no, according to him being a major model and actor for 16 years somehow qualified him to work in federal law enforcement.  I am not sure how you get that lucky break?  Getting a job in federal law enforcement isn’t exactly easy, and there is some training involved that would take time.  So when did he quit modeling/acting?  And wouldn’t it be a huge pay cut?  I mean if he was so successful as an actor/model why quit?  And what is he anyway a SPY?  How daring and bold.

Trained in martial arts for over 25 years…OK so he may have started at age 5 but that seems a little far-fetched given the rest of his profile.

Professional Reflexologist – Which is a person who massages and applies pressure to feet….and then he added that he had a foot fetish.  OK, OK, OK…..gross that he mentioned the fetish ON HIS PROFILE but come on dude, if you really get sexually aroused by women’s feet, then wouldn’t it be sort of impossible to do that for a living?  I mean if it is an actual profession for you, in addition to federal law enforcement and modeling blah, blah, blah…wouldn’t getting an erection all day long make your job kind of difficult.  And again, that would take some training…and how could it fit it in with all the martial arts, modeling, acting and federal law enforcement he is doing!?!  And all at the tender age of 30?  AMAZING!

I am betting this dude lives with his mother and wouldn’t even follow through on a date…and I don’t think it was a joke profile because the email he sent me was very long and equally ridiculous, plus it was on a paid site.   I can’t imagine anyone would spend money for that kind of humor when there are so many free sites out there.   I did send a response as I blocked him basically telling him his entire profile looked like a farce and he might want to try telling the truth if he wants to get a date.

If nothing else these sites are comedy gold.  I just wish they were dating gold!  HA!!!

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11 comments on “Dating After Divorce – Dating Online – The Liars

  1. Mark Mondello

    Hi Juliet,

    Did you get my email? Please let me know.



    1. julietjeske

      Yes I did, and I think you have issues with boundaries. This is a good example of that. You sent me a private email and now you are on my blog. You posted more than one comments that I wasn’t comfortable and I know I warned you more than once about it. I don’t have time to constantly monitor everything on my wall, and you were commenting so often it was making me uncomfortable. We aren’t close friends, it is not appropriate. If anything you should be interacting with people the most who are close friends or people in your social circle not random women on the internet.

  2. heroesnpirates

    I agree with your dating woes, many apply to women as well. Honestly, why on earth would someone put landscape photos or nature closeups on their profile? I’m with you on the hat and sunglasses thing. WTF? Sell the cat in the bag.

    Don’t know about you but it seems the bulk of respondents haven’t read my profile as they are not even close to what I’m looking for. But I respond to every wink and inquiry ’cause I recall a time when it averaged 44 messages (not winks but real messages) to potential partners to get ONE rejection. A REJECTION! The rest were ignored by the other 43 women. And I’m picky so you can’t imagine how long it took to even find 44 women to write to. Things have changed but not my luck. This month I received inquires from 26 women from just one of the dating sites. Not one single solitary respondent was appropriate but I emailed “thank you – good luck” to all of them just the same. Only a couple came back with venom. I’ve now been online “dating” since last July and have had zero dates. None. Zilch. I knew my ex would be a tough act to follow but this is ridiculous.

  3. tom dolak

    HnP, that ratio, 44:1, is impressive. i used to whine back in the day about my 15:1. and when it improved to 11:1 i was still feeling sorry for myself most of the time. but exploring the feelings related to being rejected by more than 90% of the women i contacted was extremely helpful.

    i’ve grown quite a bit (er, i think) since i first signed up on Match in ’02. that’s reflected throughout my profile. and now i’m ok with the reality of online meeting with all the absurdities, ironies, and inherent trials and tribulations.

    in its current form, my profile is a nice departure from the tragic seriousness of the vast majority of match stuff. it’s more warm and inviting now compared to ten years ago when, i assume, it reeked of desperation. it even has a little reference to a certain comedian/actor/singer/emcee who blogs about her post divorce dating observations. my username on match is BoulderisBetter if you’re curious.

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