Little vampire

Little vampire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am adding the following disclaimer to all of my dating related blog posts.  I change details, and create composite characters when I write about dating archetypes such as “Mr. Houdini, Mr. Angry, etc.  I would hate it if someone wrote about a high energy blonde comedian negatively in a blog, so because of that I never include a person’s occupation or anything about their physical description.  I also change enough details that I doubt anyone I am referring to would even recognize themselves if they read one of my articles.   I have split one person into three, or taken several examples and put them all into one example.  So simply put, I am very ethical on this blog. 

I just wrote a piece about emotional predators.  People who are just out for themselves and spend their time manipulating and  exploiting others.  The far more evil version of emotional predators is the emotional vampire.  The difference being a vampire will suck you dry until there is nothing left.  Most emotional vampires would probably be diagnosed sociopaths or borderline personality disorder.  They are extremely rare, but extremely dangerous.  Other human beings mean nothing to them, we are all a means to an end. What do they look like?

  • They sometimes resemble a younger version of the spouse
  • They are emotional and passionate, spontaneous and wild
  • They will say and do anything to get their prey.
  • Charismatic and extremely likeable
  • Masters of manipulation

Emotional Vampires are especially dangerous to a marriage.  The vampire decides your spouse is someone they want, and will do anything to be with them.  Your children, your marriage and even your spouses well-being and sanity are secondary.  The financial destruction that could also be in the wake of a broken marriage is also secondary.  The vampire wants what they want, and the rest of us had better not get in their way.   They use flattery, and passion as their main weapons.  They will tell your spouse he or she is the greatest thing on planet earth, that you don’t understand them, and that they were meant to be together.  A marriage which is already troubled or strained cannot sometimes weather these storms of infidelity.  The worst vampires don’t even care what happens after they get their prey.   They might destroy your marriage, win your spouse over and then drop their new conquest when the excitement is over.

My marriage imploded in part due to an emotional vampire.  In my case it was a man who set out to get financial and career advancement through my husband.  He actually did me a favor, because my husband was a closeted homosexual and finding out about this relationship gave me hard evidence to finally confront him and get out.  But in situations where all parties are straight or the same sexual orientation the aftermath is more difficult to navigate.  I know of marriages that have survived a someone who set out to destroy them.  In one case the marriage is stronger and children were born after the affair.  But in most cases the marriages crumble under the betrayal, lies and ongoing infidelity.  The emotional vampire becomes like a drug to the cheating spouse, and they will do anything to get that drug including destroying themselves in the process.

Because these people are so selfish, so single-minded and lack empathy they are difficult to fight back against.  If you can get your partner into counseling, if you can fight back hard enough through a mediator you might have hope.  The cheating spouse may wake up out of the fog and see the reality and havoc they are causing.  Or they may not, and then justify their self-destructive behavior.  And if you see someone like this hovering around your spouse, do not hesitate to see them for the snakes they are, and if you have any sway in the situation try to prevent them from sinking their claws into your husband or wife.  Never think you are immune to outside forces, no matter how strong you think your marriage.

Marriages are challenging as they are supposed to be life-long commitments.  And any relationship is going to evolve, grow and change throughout the years.  Sometimes the damage is beyond repair, sometimes the scars heal and the marriage is stronger for it.   That is usually the case only if both parties fight hard to keep it together.  One spouse cannot do it on their own.  If an emotional vampire decides that your spouse is what they desire, your marriage may not survive.  Your former partner however will then be stuck with a sociopathic selfish person who will most likely turn on them.   They will only want their new prize as long as it is exciting for them, or their achieved ambitions are met, be them professional or financial.

If this happens to your marriage take heart.  If you fight back with everything you have and still can’t keep your spouse, don’t beat yourself up on top of it.  We are all doing the best we can, and sometimes our best is not enough.  An emotional vampire might have done you a huge favor, in that they may have opened up your eyes to the person you have dedicated your life.   If your spouse is willing to destroy everything they have in life for this new person, and you do everything in your power to get them back, are the really worth it in the end?

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5 comments on “Divorce: The Emotional Vampires

  1. Brian Chaney

    Juliet, this is your best and most vivid example of marriage gone wrong from outside forces.
    Keep up the good work!

  2. Pingback: Reflections: Who is Your Emotional Vampire? | Mirth and Motivation


    Thank you, this is exactly what happened to me and my wife. I needed to see it from another’s perspective. My wife was seduced and committed infidelity with one of these evil parasites and he would suck every ounce of energy from us he could. This is his m.o., I know that because after he accomplished the affair with my wife he worked his way in my life as a friend. My wife hated my new friend but I think it was this stage of the vampirism that he really fed on. The wife hated him and feared that he would expose her. He really enjoyed the idea of knowing he had been with my wife while sitting beside me and acting a friend. This mans vampirism was far more destructive than most people can imagine. My family told me afterward they didnt think I would live for another 5 years. I lost weight, my color was pale, I was weak and exhausted all the time. While his spirit was larger than life. [Huge clue] when I first met this man there was a sense of familiarity a strong connection I felt between us but there was also this strong sense of distrust or darkness that I couldn’t put my thumb on. After talking to another man that had a similar experience and lost his family to it – we found that we both sensed the same spirit in the men using our wives. The connection and darkness I felt with the man was his affair with my wife. My wife keeping it a secret exposed me to further vampirism but after I found out about the affair the vampirism was impotent and coincidently my strength and energy came back while the vampires presence was reduced. In my case the infidelity was the prerequisite and the secret was essential.
    Beware these people are so uniquely evil and selfish they will prey on those who try to see the good in everyone and they will destroy all that is good in their life and care nothing about the psychological destruction in their wake.n.

    1. julietjeske Post author

      I honestly think this type of personality has been around forever and it’s what the vampire myth was based on. He could easily be and is probably a sociopath or a narcissist. Some people just have no empathy, your wife was an object and life is a game to him. Chances are though he’ll end up alone and broken in the end. People like that have difficulty bonding log term and when they are old they can’t pull it off anymore.

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