I get a lot of love and hate mail due to things I have written on this blog. My critics come from every direction imaginable from angry males calling me a man-hating shrew to virulent feminists claiming I am eroding the women’s movement. I find all of this venom ironic since I average a little over 100 readers a day. Not that bad for a total unknown blogger, but there are blogs out there that get a lot more traffic than this one. Men often take umbrage with my articles, and I can understand their frustration. I write from a woman’s perspective and I have repeatedly explained to many of my detractors that since I am female, I cannot write from a male’s perspective. If men want to read about other the dating lives of males, they should read a blog written by someone with a penis. I simply cannot write from an experience I know nothing about.
That being said I openly admit that I frequently make fun of the online dating profiles of men I find on dating websites. I mock poorly written or pretentious self summaries on my Facebook page, in my stand-up routines and on this blog. My regular readers like it when I point out the absurdity and arrogance of some of the men I encounter online. I make no apologizes for it. I do however go out of my way to protect the identity of anyone I ridicule. I never include photos or even screen names. My intent is not to make personal attacks or to public humiliate a man who might not have an inkling on how to write effectively on a dating website. I have also tried to help men in their quest for love online. Since I have scrolled through hundreds of profiles, I know what turns most women off. In my articles Online Dating: Why you get ignored, and Dating in NYC: What to Not do on a First or Second Date I am honestly trying to help men not make the same mistakes I have seen time and time again.I completely agree with the creators of The Nice Guys of OKCupid up until a point. Most of the men featured on their blog are clueless and have negative views about women. However the crime of writing a poorly written dating profile should not subject anyone to public shaming. I have no problem with poking fun at the grandiosity, rudeness or misogyny on any profile. The Nice Guys of OKCupid crosses the line by attaching images to the poorly written content. Now these men are no longer anonymous, any number of friends, relatives or co-workers can see personal information that was not meant for all the world to see. Anyone could easily fabricate a dating profile and submit it to the site, in order to humiliate someone. There is no way of authenticating if any of the information posted is actually accurate.
We all put ourselves out there when we sign up for a free online dating profile. Vulnerability is not easy for anyone, especially men that might have limited social skills. When we bare our souls looking for a possible mate, we also open ourselves up to the darker sides of someone’s psyche. I have gotten pure hate from total strangers on dating sites. I am not sure why, but now and then some man decides he needs to send me insulting or disgustingly perverted emails. There is no joy in making myself open to this kind of negative behavior. It makes me cringe when men I know tell me they stumbled upon my profile while browsing, or that I came up as a good match. I would rather not have to resort to putting so much personal information on a site for someone else to dissect, decipher and judge.
The whole thing reminds me of a bully finding a love note written by a total nerd to a popular girl and then plastering a high school with photocopies to humiliate the author. Are the men featured on Nice Guys of OKCupid clueless? Yes. But do they deserve public shaming for not understanding women? No. Do most men understand women? Do most women understand men? I don’t claim to know what is going on in the mind of most men and I would hate to see my own photo/profile in a
- Women who think they are all that of OKCupid
- Bitches of OKCupid
- Cougars of OKCupid
- Future Old Maids of OKCupid
- Cat Ladies of OKCupid
- Annoying Women of OKCupid
Will this public shaming do anything to change the behavior of those featured on the site? I seriously doubt it. If anything it will just make the men that much more disillusioned with the gender they already don’t understand. When a person signs up for an online dating website they don’t sign up for another third-party to exploit them. OKCupid should get the site taken down. It is surprising that someone hasn’t already threatened the site with legal action. I don’t think there is anything wrong with making fun of someone’s words as long as their identities remain private. Dating online is hard enough, do we have to make it that much harder?
- No One is Entitled to Sex: Why We Should Mock the Nice Guys of OkCupid (jezebel.com)
- Single And Willing to Pay to Mingle? Is Paying For an Online Dating Service Buying A Man? (madamenoire.com)
- 10 Online Dating Tips To Find Love (mademan.com)
- Vulnerability Dodgeball (justblaume.com)
- Dating Online – Mr. Online ONLY (julietjeske.wordpress.com)
- Dating Online: The Liar – A Hall of Famer (julietjeske.wordpress.com)
- Stop “Living In The Moment” On Your Online Dating Profile (thegloss.com)