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Dating Online – The Super Negative profile

Date: April 10, 2011
Author: julietjeske
Categories: Dating, Dating - NYC, Dating After 35, Dating After Divorce, Dating Online, Relationships, Uncategorized
Comments: 6 Replies
English: Angry cat

English: Angry cat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I did another search on Match.com tonight and at first glance this guy seemed all right but then I read this…and I am going to break it down into sections…

  • Professional looking for a modern, emancipated, attractive, sane (!!), affectionate, feminine, open-minded, sexy, and sexual woman.

So OK, the sexual part is a bit off-putting as it can come across as kind of creepy.  And he did write it twice, sexy and sexual, so we get it, you are a man who likes sex…shocking!  And sane?  Well who really thinks they are insane?  I think insanity is a relative term.  I dress up in wigs and yell into microphones all over the city for about $40-75 a show and during the day I perform for children as Lulu the clown or paint faces of the extremely rich and privileged.  All in hopes that I might one day get a comedy, voice over or commercial career.  Many would call that insanity.  Even I call it insanity, but I digress.

  • She should be down-to-earth and comfortable in the local diner as much as in a 5 star restaurant. No prude goody-two-shoes or Manhattan socialites, please. I can meet those any day in the city…I am European, liberal, very open-minded and am looking for my match.

OK dude I am with you!  But European causes some red flags in my head.  Are you going to want to move back?  Are you looking for a green card?  It is not a HUGE red flag, but it is something to mention as I love living in New York and I NEVER WANT TO MOVE!  And no goody-two-shoes?  What does that mean?  I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs so some might call me a goody-two-shoes, but I also perform extremely raunchy adult themed material both in stand-up and in the burlesque community.  So I don’t know if in this guy’s book I would be a goody-two-shoes or not!  I guess I ride that Madonna/Whore conflict in my persona a bit on the razor’s edge.  I would definitely not call myself a prude…if you listen to any of my song lyrics…the word prude wouldn’t really come to mind.   But then he wrote this, and any lingering desire I had to wink at him or send him an email disappeared.

After a few weeks on here, I’d also like to add:

  • if you have pictures of you cuddling with your dog/ cat
  • excessive nature pictures
  • pictures of gardens of cherry-blossoms
  • write that you “like the finer things in life”
  • carry around a tiny dog, like a chihuahua, in a luxury bag and refer to it as your “baby”
  • had so much plastic surgery that you start to look like the cat woman
  • every one of your kids is from a different father
  • we are NOT a match. Guaranteed.

Dude!  It is one thing to bitch about these things on a blog, and another thing entirely to put these on your profile where you think potentially interested women might read it…HA! 🙂

I get him on the gold digger hints, the multiple baby daddies…those are obvious red flags.  Although babies and baby daddy situations can be tricky, so it is hard to put a blanket statement out there like that.  As I have know some very stable men and women who might have children with more than one partner.  But in general it is a red flag, I will give him that.

But I call my cats my babies and treat them almost like they are my children.  So what?  And what is wrong with nature shots?  I don’t have any on my profile and they are a bit odd, but who cares?  And he doesn’t like people cuddling with their pets?  That is strange, why would that illicit such a negative reaction in a person?

My hunch is that he is angry and frustrated from the dating process.  Maybe he is the sweetest man on the planet, but online dating is not like ordering a sandwich.  Sure I would prefer someone age appropriate, at least my height, not in the entertainment business and stable…so I get it.  But to put an angry laundry list ON YOUR PROFILE?  I am sure he is still getting multiple emails from multiple women with the very things he describes.  And at the same time driving women like myself away.  Because most people don’t read your profile, yet the slightly more “sane” women do.   So way to go Mr. Angry European for making my online experience that much more entertaining and draining.  HA!  🙂

5/26/11

I just got this one today and I had to add it.  I really felt for this guy as I have been ignored countless times from men online after I sent a short email or wink, so I get it.  But this man shouldn’t have this on his profile, I can’t imagine any woman would send him an email after reading this.  I felt so strongly that I actually sent him a short note basically saying, look, if you only knew what women go through on these sites.  I have had more men personally attack me for no reason than I can to mention.

The first thing I need to say to any woman who reads my profile and is interested in meeting me: SAY SO. Send me a message and invite me to meet you.  I’ve sent several hundred messages to several hundred women of all different types, from all kinds of backgrounds. Each one of them was at least 95% match, 85% friend, and less than 10% enemy. Most were over 98% match.

Aside from ONE woman, I have been utterly ignored.
No “no thank you,” no “you’re not my type, sorry.”

In the words of Steve Buscemi from Fargo: “TOTAL FUCKING SILENCE”

And I ask you, who would respond positively to a profile that starts out like that?  I can’t imagine.  I really do empathize with his situation, but his profile is not helping.   What is that phrase again?  “There is a reason why they are single”

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Dating Online – The Insult Approach

Date: April 2, 2011
Author: julietjeske
Categories: Dating, Dating - NYC, Dating After 35, Dating Online, Relationships
Comments: 1 Reply

Online dating is a window into a portion of humanity that both fascinates and repulses me.  I have met people from walks of life I never would have normally.  Some of the interaction is positive as I get a fair share of compliments from men from all walks of life.  That part is extremely interesting to me, but since I am dealing with human beings of course there is a negative side as well.

The Insult Approach

I really don’t understand this one.  Here is a recent email I got on JDate.com.  The website I joined with the fewest members yet where I am most popular.  I guess it is the Shiksa effect.  I removed his name to protect his identity, but really what the hell was he thinking?

I just love everything you have to say, well perhaps not the 2 cats in a small apartment … and although being a classic liberal jew, not a big fan of unions … I can explain 

Would love to speak to you about it.

I mention in my profile, that since both of my parents were union for most of their careers, that I am a lifelong democrat.  And I am extremely pro-labor, probably more pro-labor than most democrats.  I also briefly mention that I live in a small studio apartment with two cats.  Meant as a slight self-deprecating joke, but true.  I actually prefer to live in a small space if I am living alone anyway.  I am not exactly a materialistic person.  I buy most of my clothing off of ebay and I ALMOST NEVER PAY RETAIL. I also don’t have cable, have a working television or a car.  I live simply and I like it that way. 🙂

So what is this idiot thinking?  If this was his attempt at humor, he missed the mark completely.  I have learned the hard way that sarcasm is difficult to pick up on in written form.  TRUST ME!  I still get in trouble with this all the time.  HA!   I have what I like to call “Foot in mouth disease!”  And I couldn’t even count how many times an attempt at a joke on Facebook or in an email missed its mark.  So when I communicate with complete strangers online, I try to leave the sarcasm out!

So what is he doing? Insulting me for living in a small apartment?  Insulting me for owning cats?  Well I am not giving them up for anyone, the only exception being if I had a child that was allergic.  I certainly wouldn’t give them up for a relationship!  I did that once and I would never do it again.  I am sorry I am not wealthy, I guess I need to step it up and get that bigger apartment in this dreadful economy as a working artist.  And then he bashes unions?  Well sir I don’t care if you are a big fan of them or not, I put that on my profile to weed out the libertarians and republicans.  Sure I have plenty of friends that are both, but I would usually avoid dating one.  I can’t say I would never date someone with different political leanings, but relationships are hard enough, and I am passionate about politics, so there is no way I am going to have THAT fight repeatedly for the rest of my life!  And what did he mean that

“I don’t like unions…I’ll explain”

What was he planning on some lecture on his view of economics?  SNORE!

I have also gotten things like, and these were all from men I DID NOT CONTACT in any way, these comments just showed up in my inbox.

  • I can’t believe you like the Beatles, that is so typical (I have nearly every song memorized!)
  • I guess you are just one of those bitches that only emails the mean boys – (I wasn’t even sure what this meant)
  • Why would you like nerdy smart guys?  What is wrong with you? (There is a problem with liking smart people?)
  • Why are you so uptight about your age range? – My age range is 33-43 (That is 10 years!)
  • I guess you have a basis against older men, you should really be more open-minded. (From a 55-year-old)
  • Vegetarians are losers! (Wow, well now that you said that total stranger bring on the bacon!)

I have heard that men get the same treatment.  Does this ever work?  Do men or women respond positively to the random insult?  Are some people secret masochists that think,

Hey now this is my kind of woman/man!  They already hate me!

Or maybe some folks out there who like a dominating partner, and this kind of

  • Let me tell you something sister…
  • Let me tell you how to live your life…
  • Or what you don’t understand is…

I guess some people like that sort of treatment, I can’t stand it. Generally speaking, if I want advice I ask for it, I absolutely hate unsolicited advice as I think most people do!

The passive aggressive approach of men and women who, resentful of a person they think may not respond to them otherwise, figure that getting a negative reaction is better than no reaction.  Sort of like the man on the street who will cat call a woman and then immediately insult her.  I remember one such instance, as I was crossing the street in Washington Heights, no makeup, my hair in a pony-tail while wearing big baggy jeans and a puffy coat, I hear this from a car waiting for the light to change.

“Hey Sexy!”

When I don’t show any response, about 5 seconds later I hear

“Fat Ass!”

And  I am certain he couldn’t even see my ass, as my coat was covering it.  But whatever, sort of the same effect.  I did respond to Mr. let me insult your apartment, your cats, and unions.  I won’t print my response here, but it was something to the effect of

Sir, if this was your attempt at humor, you blew it.  You are blocked.

Oy Vey!

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Dating Online – Things on a profile that completely turn women off

Date: February 11, 2011
Author: julietjeske
Categories: Dating, Dating - NYC, Dating After 35, Dating After Divorce, Dating Online, Uncategorized
Comments: 4 Replies

So this is re-posted from another old blog of mine, but since I am on a roll with this topic so to speak…

Because I am a freelancer and my social life revolves around the New York Burlesque and Alt-Comedy scenes, I don’t even KNOW a lot of men.  And I have a strict NO-COMEDIANS rule.  Which leads me to online dating.  I know it is hell out there trying to date in NYC.

Things that make me Cringe.

1. Semi-nude or posed shirtless photos.  I am not talking about hanging with your friends at the beach photos, but obviously staged photos of yourself as naked as possible, the “classiest” taken by yourself with a cell phone into a mirror.  Now would you walk up to a stranger and flex while half naked? Maybe you would.  Then you are not the boy for me.

2. Overly long profiles.  I don’t really bother if they are super long.  The photo tells me so much, if I am not attracted, I am not attracted and when I see a really long profile I just think “oh great work!” and I move on.  There are thousands of guys out there.  Keep it simple.

3. Overly ANGRY profiles! Don’t complain about all the other women you have dated in your profile!!!!  We have all been through the mill, who doesn’t bitch about an ex or two?  But please not on the profile!  It is also not a great place to tear down my entire gender.  You are looking for a WOMAN right? Then stop bitching about them.  And my favorite line so far “Be EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE…leave your baggage at home, think positive and let’s have a good time”  And yes he used all caps.  So I need to be emotionally available for him, but I am not allowed to discuss my own problems.  Well at least he is straightforward.  HA!

4. Don’t lie about your age.  This one is fairly obvious, oh and pay attention to my age range, if you are 10 years over my limit….seriously???  And I think the magical age on these sites is 49, we all know you are not 49, who are you kidding?  If you are looking like my dad, we know you are NOT 49.

5. Sunglasses in your primary photo really? They warn you not to do this, and I can see why, they make you look incredibly pretentious and I can’t really see your face?   Brooding?  Sexy? Mysterious?  No.  I have over 200 in a search I am not going to take the time to see what lies beneath!

6. Don’t continually pester me repeatedly if I don’t respond to your “wink” I am doing you a favor, I am not interested, there are so many women out there.  And my least favorite tactic is when I spend all of 5 minutes checking my e-mail on there and I get a “Hey I see you are online, did you get my “wink”?, What is your number?  We should go out some time?”  This has happened more than once, so do these guys LIVE online?  Ready to pounce?  Creepy!!!

7. Less philosophy – Just the facts – Now some women may disagree but the more “crazytown this is how I see the universe” you get the more I want to hit that little X button at the top of your profile and never see your mug again.  I get it, but then I don’t get it.  And lines like “What can you expect from me….the unexpected!” or “Your Mr. Right is Right here!” honestly?  Does that work for anyone????

8. Limit on the Action/Adventure shots.  OK I get it you like Scuba diving, but one photo would have been enough, seven of you with goggles and I still can’t see your face!  And what is up with Scuba diving?  Maybe its fun, I don’t know I never tried it, but it isn’t exactly the sexist sport out there.  And I think I have seen hundreds of scuba diving photos at this point..hundreds!   Now a rowing, rugby or mountain climbing?  DAMN!  Those are sexy sports.  And even the classics like baseball, basketball, football or soccer can make you look good depending on the context of the photo.  But Golf?  Golf is so BORING, and it might but a joy to play but, still photos of you playing golf……are not exactly chick magnet material.  And OK so you run marathons, that is great, but can you include ONE photo where you are not covered in sweat, and wearing tiny little shorts?

9. Be realistic about distance – OK I live in BROOKLYN, dating someone in the Bronx would be considered a long distance relationship.  Philadelphia? Don’t they have women in Philadelphia?  I don’t want to move and that is just way too much effort if I don’t already know and love ya!

10. Try to look STRAIGHT! – Now this is probably the most controversial thing I am bitching about.  Because after all what is looking or acting straight?  I of all people should know, I married a gay man, HA!  We all know there are many shades to the rainbow.  But having all your photos be of yourself in clubs surrounded by beautiful men, perfectly manicured with stunning wardrobes and amazing haircuts, isn’t really screaming “I love women”!   I think I have sadly seen many a deep closet case looking for the wrong gender on these sites.  Sad.

11. Boys, be Realistic about YOUR age range. – So you are 45.  And your age range is 22-28?  Are you independently wealthy?  Are you devastatingly handsome?  Are you hysterical and loaded with wit and charm? Maybe you can bag a 22 year old, but my suspicion by the look of your photo/profile is that you have never dated in your life!  Come on!

12. I am MORE than a womb! – So I just saw a profile where all the guy talked about was wanting children.  He wanted 2 children and wanted to start trying in the next 1-2 years.  I am like DUDE!  Let’s go on a date first!  I understand his need to reproduce, but if your entire profile is about baby making.  YIKES!

13. Poorly written or Overly jokey profiles – If you entire profile reads as sarcastic, most people might think you are a jerk.  Lines like – “What is a typical Friday night for you?” and you answer – “Being completely awesome while I hunt for puppies and unicorns!”  I guess for some women, that might be perfect, but I will just think your crazy!  Or abuse of the written language such as: “R U the 1 for Me?”, or obvious misspellings.  Call me uptight, but it make me think you are of lower intelligence!  Yes I am a bit of a snob when it comes to language…..I am not the world’s greatest writer, and I will openly admit it!  But language is what separates us from all other SPECIES ON THE PLANET!  You don’t exactly see chimps writing novels, so USE SPELL CHECK, or open a DICTIONARY!

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Dating Online – Mr. Online ONLY

Date: February 8, 2011
Author: julietjeske
Categories: Dating, Dating - NYC, Dating After 35, Dating After Divorce, Dating Online, New York City, Relationships, Uncategorized
Comments: 9 Replies
English: Cybersex

English: Cybersex (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The longer I have been single, the more I have come to realize that logic has about as much to do with dating as subtly has to do with holiday window displays.   Human beings just don’t act rationally.  Online dating has made this abundantly clear.

Mr. Online Only

  • Age – Any Age
  • Never married, divorced, anything goes
  • You NEVER actually meet them, so their whole profile could be a farce.

Mr. Online ONLY is exactly as his name describes.  For whatever reason, these gentlemen prefer to chat online, and will NEVER meet up with you.  They will instead:

  • Make a million excuses
  • Cancel right before the date
  • Stand you up
  • Arrive at the meeting place but not approach you, only later tell you that they showed up and got scared
  • Invent accidents, emergency situations etc. to excuse their behavior.

What causes this type of behavior?  I don’t really know but I have some ideas….

  • Suppressed homosexuality
  • Fear of rejection
  • Anti-social behavior
  • Unresolved issues with another relationship
  • Emotionally cheating on their spouse or girlfriend
  • An ego trip of keeping correspondence with several women at a time
  • Agoraphobia
  • Deep rooted insecurities
  • False representation – Their entire online identity is a ruse.

They will NEVER actually meet up, or physically see you.  What they would rather have is a fantasy they can play out in their mind as they type away. The first sign that you are dealing with an Online Only type: They avoid making time to see you, yet they want to maintain constant correspondence with you online. They push for emotional intimacy without any physical contact.  You might find it sweet or endearing, but in most cases the physical contact is never going to happen.  The online relationship is all they can handle.  If you insist on meeting up and some of these men will become defensive and even hostile.  Others will continually dodge the question, constantly making excuses.

You will never know

  • Is their profile information accurate?
  • Is the photo even of them?
  • Are they in a committed relationship or married and is this just one big game for them?

A recent article in New York magazine  discusses how some men have grown so used to virtual “relationships” with women in porn, that they become sexually dysfunctional when with the real thing.  A sad situation indeed.  Many Mr. Online’s will want to have cyber sex with you either over the phone, or through email or instant messaging.  Because they will never see you, this is the most you are going to get from a man like this.  Not exactly satisfying and you have no way of knowing what is actually happening on his end of the computer.  Is he showing your emails or messages to his friends for a laugh?  Is he publishing them somewhere on a blog?  Is he with another woman while talking to you online?  Since you don’t know, it is probably a bad idea to get into a situation like this.

I once had correspondence with a man I could tell was emailing several women at the same time.  I figured it out when he couldn’t seem to keep track of details or things I had written.  Finally I could tell he wasn’t actually reading the emails I sent him, at least not in full.  The whole endeavor was rather pathetic since my emails were so brief.  Even a full-page email is a few minutes worth of reading.  In his case I suspect, he maintained correspondence with multiple women to feed his inflated and fragile ego.  Once I figured this out, he became a bit of a joke to me.  Luckily that relationship never went any further than mildly flirtatious chats online.

What to do if you encounter someone like this online?  See the signs quickly and don’t take the bait.  There is a reason they refuse to ever meet you.  Their entire identity might be a complete fabrication. Cut them some slack but if the problem persists for an excessive amount of time, cut them loose.

Women also pull this trick, and it is often an actual scam.  The women will contact men, lead them on through promises of love and devotion, maybe even engage in some cyber sex only to eventually beg for money to come for a visit.  The man sends her the cash, and then waits like a fool at the airport for his dream girl who never arrives.  Some of these scams are so elaborate that the photo is of a model or even a stock photo, and the person on the other end of the emails is a man located in another country.   They call this one the lonely hearts scam.

Why would anyone put up with this for months in some cases years?  Virtual relationships aren’t entirely real.  A person we are chatting to online can’t hurt us in the same way a physical lover might.  At least that’s what we tell ourselves.  One viewing of the television show or film Catfish will show much heartache and pain when lovers discover their online romances were complete fabrications. Somehow we want to believe so strongly that a stranger on the other end of a computer is deeply in love with us and our perfect match.  The online version is a mirage, a fairy tale we tell ourselves.

I get about an email a day or several a week from men out-of-state, some from different countries.  I have gotten emails from Pakistan, Morocco, Spain, Germany, France, Ireland and on and on.  Why?  What woman would think starting correspondence with a man in another country would be a good idea?  After my divorce I trust little of what comes out of a strange man’s mouth, and sadly I check as much as I possibly can online.   How lonely does a person have to get to think that some man in a far off country, they have never met,  is the only man for them?  Rub the fairy dust out of your eyes and see reality.  There are available men and women everywhere.  Anyone trying to talk to you from a foreign country is probably up to no good.   Green card, scams, kidnapping…..whatever.  RUN!  If a man doesn’t want to see your lovely face, then he is not that man for you.  A virtual relationship is no substitute for a real one, don’t settle for a man online when you can have a man in real-time.  You’re much better off with the flawed and imperfect real man than a perfectly fictitious virtual one.

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Dating Online – Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual

Date: February 5, 2011
Author: julietjeske
Categories: Dating, Dating - NYC, Dating After 35, Dating After Divorce, Dating Online, New York City
Comments: 4 Replies

My article about men that I have dubbed the “Wife Shoppers” was so popular, I thought I would keep it going with their counterpart….Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual. I have also called them “Player Light”

  • Age – Any age, but then tend to be younger…under 35
  • Marital Status – Most have never been married
  • Most have no children – although they come in all types
  • Usually attractive and in shape, but not always
  • Not liberal with compliments towards you in any way – This would give you too much power in their minds, so don’t expect a lot of praise or adoration
  • Emotionally distant

The Introduction – Early into the correspondence, or into the first meeting of “Let’s Keep it Casual” the man will lay his cards out on the table.  A technique that some of my male psychology books call….announcing the exit strategy.  The give you the endgame before the game has even started lines like

  • “I don’t get emotionally involved”
  • “I like to keep things casual”
  • “I am not looking for anything serious”
  • “I am really busy and I don’t have time to commit to one person”
  • “I like to date multiple women at the same time” – At least he is being honest, so if you are OK with that then go for it, just don’t expect it to change.
  • “My ex really messed me up, so I can’t bond with anyone on a deep level right now” – Sadly I’ve encounted a few men who just use this as a line.  Take this one with a grain of salt.

They are all basically saying the same thing.  Look, don’t even think about considering me boyfriend material.  I respect the bluntness and honesty, and they are laying the groundwork for when a woman might push for something more they will say, and mean it.

  • “Look, I told you where I stood before we even got together”

The Plan of Action – They might send a friendly text, always when they are already out, or available, usually in the evening or weekends asking What is up? They don’t ask personal questions, they don’t send personal emails of any length or importance.  Generally they don’t use the phone for anything other than text messages.  Most correspondence is just about getting sex when they want it, and on their terms. They are hoping that you will drop whatever you are doing, meet up with them.  They don’t have to take you out to dinner, or a movie, they don’t have to spend any real time getting to know you, they don’t have to spend any money on you except maybe a few drinks and they get sex when it is convenient for them.  I call them “Player Light” because unlike a player, at least they are fairly upfront an honest about their intentions.   So if you are open to a sexually based relationship with little else….these boys might be for you.

The reality though, is that these relationships rarely work out according to plan.  Now I have plenty of friends that openly live a polyamorous lifestyle of having several lovers scattered all over the city and they are perfectly happy with that situation.  Not everyone is happy in a traditional monogamous relationship, and they aren’t meant to live within the constrains of one.

What tends to happen, is that Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual might end up treating you like a low grade girlfriend.   If a situation like this goes on long enough, the man will ultimately start dumping his emotional baggage either before or after sex.  But he set up such rigid standards on the relationship, don’t expect that he’ll be as open to you doing the same.  Most women engage in soul purging all day long with their female friends so it isn’t exactly unheard of for a woman to treat a man, especially one they are having sex with, in the same way.  Human beings aren’t robots, and our brain chemistry alone goes a bit berserk after an orgasm, so it is natural to bond on a deeper level with a sexual partner, especially after a period of time.   So good luck on keeping things completely unemotional with Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual, unless of course you simply “tap it” a few times and then never again.

If the woman takes the initiative and actually dictates when they “hang out” then Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual might protest that they are being needy.   Because so many times, Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual is really just saying I want what I want, when I want it, and if you aren’t cool with that, then forget it.  It is a selfish and immature way of dealing with a partner of any kind.

The biggest trap when dealing with a man like this is the concept of the magical power of the vagina.  Many think their winning personality and great sex will somehow win a guy over and CHANGE HIM!  Sure this could happen, but it probably won’t.  If a man tells you right off the bat that they aren’t looking for anything beyond a sexual relationship, they probably mean it. He probably will never see you in a different light because you entered the situation with the cards stacked against you.    And just because he starts to bitch about his problems at work or how his ex-girlfriend never understood him, doesn’t mean you have won him over.   If you want a no strings attached sexual partner, these guys might be perfect for you.  But if you want something more….keep looking.

One of the main things that attracts me to a man is his intellect and point of view, so a Mr. Let’s Keep it Casual, really bores me.  They won’t allow me to get to know them on anything but a base carnal level.  So at least for a girl like myself, they don’t really stimulate me all that much.  I like to be intrigued by a man, on a deeper level than simply wondering when the next text message of “What’s Up?“ is going to arrive.  When they use text speck such as “Hey grl what U doing?  R U kk?”  It’s like a million cold showers all at once.  If you are going to try to hook up with me, at least write in full sentences and use proper English.

The other trap is that a man who is in serious relationship or married might seek a casual relationship in order to cheat.  They won’t want to bond with you, because they are just using you for sex.  This has nearly happened to me a few times, luckily I’ve always discovered the truth before I fell for it.

When I’ve found myself on dates with guys like this, I just think of my own exit strategies.  I might make them think they have a shot with me, as it just makes the date much more pleasant.   They don’t know the minute I hear a line like “I don’t get emotionally attached” I have already given up.  The only people I can think of that really don’t get emotionally attached are sociopaths…..and do I really want to date one of those?

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